本帖最后由 通用ID 于 1-11-2023 16:46 编辑
先赞再评。翻译太难，评论太容易。
在网上又找了几个不同的英译。和楼主的各有千秋。转贴一下。
1，https://www.rhymesandvibes.com/p ... ring-is-not-yet-old
英译：戈登.奥赛茵，闵晓红(1991)
修改：闵晓红（ 2022）
When the Spring is not yet old
(written on the Transcending Tower)
- to the tune of Wangjiangnan
written by: Su Dong-po (11th Century)
trans. by Gordon Osing & Julia Min (1991)
revised by Julia Min ( 2022)
When the Spring is not yet old,
soft wind gently kissing the swaying willows,
come to the Transcending Tower with me,
to see the town’s blooms, embraced by the moat,
gleaming through the misty rain so many homes.
After the cold day of Forbidden Fires,
I woke up light-headed, turned over, and sighed.
Why am I nostalgic when surrounded by old friends?
Let's make a fresh fire raising the new tea for a toast.
How fine to spend our best years on wine and poems.
2，https://m.kekenet.com/kouyi/201707/518259.shtml
Yearning for the South
Composed at the Detachment Tower
Spring still in its prime,
Waving in the breeze are the willows trim.
To take a look at the Detached Platform I climb:
Th' town's full of spring and th' trench is about to brim,
Though countless households th' mist and th' rain bedim.
After Cold-Food Day,
I sign and lament when sobre from wine.
About old home to old friends you just nothing say,
To start a new fire and make new tea 'tis fine:
It is to youth that verse and wine incline.
3，http://www.dioenglish.com/home.p ... do=blog&id=2831
lanling8093
Yesterday I happend to read this poem writen by SuShi ,and read it over and over again.I realized I love it. Now i want to extract it to share with friends.
Spring is not yet old:
Its breezes gentle,blowing the willow twigs aslant.
I ascend ,tentatively, the Transcendence Terrace,
And see half-filled moats and a city of flowers
While ,at times, a misty drizzle darkens the houses.
Cold Food Day over,
Now I am sober,but it brings sighs.
Do not reminisce over the old country with old acquaintance;
Instead, build a new fire to brew new tea.
To enjoy poetry and wine ,take advantage of your prime.
比较喜欢第3个，来自lanling8093空间的那个翻译。她的英译意思，情感最贴近原词，甚至节奏感，字词的重复都保留了原词的身影。
里面的寒食，翻做cold food day最好，但实际上也是禁火，次日清明再生新火。有说法寒食的意义是改火，”https://www.chinaqw.com/sp/2022/04-04/326308.shtml 礼记记载每一个季节要进行改火，熄灭旧的火，重新点燃新火。到了秦国的时候觉得太复杂了，每一个季节都改一次太麻烦，后来就春季改一次。改火的过程中那几天就不能生火了，就必须是寒食。(另一个)介子推的故事在东汉后期已经出现了，因为纪念介子推的原因，官方也希望引导，另外一个老百姓也尊崇这样的品德。让寒食节变得文化内核更加的深厚，”。有两句比较有名的寒食诗都有提及。：”日暮汉宫传蜡烛，轻烟散入五侯家“，”昨夜邻家乞新火，晓窗分与读书等“。翻译中有翻成”day of forbidden fires"的。但也不能尽释其意，所以还不如字面翻译来的简单忠实原文。
超然台有翻做detachment tower和transcendence Terrace。也觉得后者较好。detachment只是分离，没有连接，但transcendence有超脱物质，俗世烦扰，才是超然的意思。
只是诗的翻译总难免丢掉一些东西，有时又莫名添加了原来没有的。比如诗酒趁年华。不只是take adavatage，更多是年华易逝，乡愁，甚至人生失意的无奈。而第一首里面“soft wind gently kissing the swaying willows”的kissing虽然很符合英文意境，但未免太甜美，而脱离了原诗的基调
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发表于 13-6-2022 22:41:28
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