人生之苦(7)——From布村书群Maggie（5.13-5.14）

snapdragon

2021年5月14日
Chapter 5 Bouncing forward 成长到死
When one door of happiness closes, another opens, but often we looked so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us. 海伦·凯勒说：“当一扇幸福之门关闭时，另一扇门已然敞开；但我们却长久地盯着关闭的门，看不到敞开的另一扇门。”
Dave changed me in profound ways by his presence. And he changed me in profound ways by his absence. It’s my deepest desire that something good will come from the horror of Davie’s death. When people say they have found comfort or strength in what I’ve shared, it honours the life Dave lived. He did so much to help others, and I hope this book reaches people and becomes part of his legacy. Perhaps this is our co-destiny. Dave永远都在，就像歌里唱的：“一抹永恒的掌印，在我心上。”因为有他的存在，我被深深地改变了；因为他不在了，我被更深刻地改变着。我心底有着最深切的渴望，渴望美好的事因Dave可怕的死亡而发生。当有人说，他们从我分享的内容中找到了安慰和力量的时候，这就是对Dave生命的奖励。
2021年5月15日
Chapter 6 Taking back joy 重拾快乐
When I felt happy, that happiness was followed immediately by a flood of guit. How could I be happy when my husband was gone? Survivor guilt is a thief of joy-yet another secondeary loss from death. When people lose a loved one, they are not just wracked with grief but also with remorse. It’s another personalization trap, “why am I the one who is still alive?” “I did not spend enough time with him”. When the company sack people, the remaining employee thought “I’m glad it wasn’t me” which is quickly washed away by shame: “I’m a bad person for feeling happy when my friends lost their jobs” 幸存者的罪恶感是窃取快乐的小偷，这是已故亲人造成的次级伤害。失去所爱的人不仅会令你痛不欲生，而且会让你不断自责：“为什么我是那个活下来的人？”即使在强烈的悲痛渐渐消退之后，内疚感也不会消失：“我应该多陪陪他。”死亡会引发幸存者罪恶感，公司裁员也是如此——那些保住工作的人常常深受幸存者罪恶感的折磨。他们的心路历程是这样的：“本来应该是我被裁掉”，接下来是感恩，“幸亏不是我”，羞愧感很快会淹没感恩，“我是个坏人，朋友丢了饭碗，我竟然还能高兴得起来”。I did not realise that I have been holding myself back from happiness.