作文求指点

FollowMyHeart

Some people think that studying in a college or university is the best way for students to prepare for their future career. But others think they should leave school as soon as possible to develop their career through work experience. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
================

People have different views about how students can have a better picture of their future development. While there are some good arguments in favor of joining society earlier to obtain a bright career path, I believe that it is better for people to prepare well in school.

People who support of studying in college argue that it holds the key to people’s future development. Studying in school has provided them with opportunities to pass on theoretical knowledge, thus improving people’s technical and soft skills and developing expertise more easily, and therefore, studying in university opens doors to career opportunities. This is especially true when people decide to work in institution where enormous theoretical knowledge is a must.

On the other hand, opponents claim that people are able to obtain a better career development after graduation. If students leave school earlier, they are likely to absorb practical experience in their early stage, and they can increase their working efficiency at a fast pace, thus adapting to the workplace quickly. In contrast, those who need a long period to fit to the working environment may not have the chance to get promotion.

I believe that learning in university plays a vital role in people’s competence development. It is easier for them to obtain education and get familiar with classmates and expertise in all subjects, so these people are able to have a sense of team spirit and work well in groups, and therefore they are likely to develop their soft skills.   

To conclude, there are convincing arguments both for and against how long students should stay in school, but I personally believe that it is better for them to remain in university as much as possible.

wisezmz

People who support of studying in college 这句话语法错误，support后面没必要跟of。
has provided them with opportunities  provide是及物动词，应该是has provided them opportunities

语法错误比较明显，得好好打基础，不然恐怕很难拿到高于6的分数。

qiuxan

wisezmz 发表于 19-12-2013 03:11

                               
登录/注册后可看大图

People who support of studying in college 这句话语法错误，support后面没必要跟of。
has provided them ...

第二个provide somebody with something 是有这种用法的。

但那句话确实也是不对的，错在them。这里的them代词指代的东西，前一句只有一波人“People who support of studying in college”，不是“受过大学教育的人”。

qiuxan

Studying in school has provided them with opportunities to pass on theoretical knowledge, thus improving people’s technical and soft skills and developing expertise more easily, and therefore, studying in university opens doors to career opportunities.

从句控是得不了高分的～俩从句足够了～一句话太长会让人看得觉得气喘吁吁的～然后也未必看得懂，甚至懒得看直接跳过，想想lz自己有没有在阅读里遇到这样的句子。～ theoretical knowledge我就假设你看过“刘洪波的最简化”因为那是我记得比较清楚 我个人这个词伙是最简化上学的。刘老师有句话：考官给你高分不是因为一拍桌子说：“好语法！”，而是一拍桌子“文章写的好！”。很简单的道理不是每个人都知道～

v26v26oo

6-6.5分吧，我觉得ABC写的还可以了，剩下就是提升语言表达的问题。提高流畅性，注意句子之间的连接和代词的使用，就离7很接近了！加油