看看我的作文离7分还有多远阿，敬请拍砖。

chen2mao

7 Some people argue that students who are not talented in language learning should not be required to learn a foreign language. Do you agree or disagree?


Today, with the rapid process of globalization, a universal language plays a pivotal role in communication and interaction. In order to help students become more competitive in future career, foreign languages are established as required course in many schools. However, some people argue that it should not be compulsory for those who are not gifted with language learning.

It is undoubted that it is pain for those who do not have language talent to learn languages. For one thing, due to the lack of interest in language learning, the learning efficiency of them would be very low. As a result, they have to spend more time than others. What is worse, although they have invested a large amount of time in language learning, the result is still not satisfactory. For another, if students were restricted to learn languages, students may produce psychological resistance, and even give up language learning.

On the other hand, however, it is worth pointing out that only a few students have language talent. Does this mean that the majority of the students do not need to learn foreign languages? The answer is definitely no. Firstly, just like the old saying goes” there will have to pay a return ”, which means that students can certainly acquire something after they have spent time and energy in language learning. Secondly, proper guidance and useful tips in language learning would help students promote learning efficiency, and gradually help them build up interest in language learning.

From above discussion, I take the view that language learning should be required as I believe that foreign language is a basic skill that everyone, especial young students should master. However, it would be advisable for teachers to provide students enough help and correct learning methods.

[ 本帖最后由 chen2mao 于 31-10-2012 20:21 编辑 ]

AUSBEEAUD

你的作文整体还是不错的。
平时看，会觉得可能用词过于简单了，考场上，你如果能完成这样的逻辑和字数，就应该感到发挥的还是不错了。
个人虽然考过6分页考过7分，但是我也不知道你这个打几分，反正6是没有问题了，或者6.5，你要加深一下词汇7分应该是没有问题的。

本人提点建议，你可以改进之处
1，用词过于简单了，你可以试着用一点复杂词语，比如As a result,，你大可以换成consequently
very low, 你可以写成comparatively low，today可以换成nowadays不是更好吗，to spend more time than others，others 换成peers或者counterparts等等

2，少许语法错误，especial young students should master，应该是especially young students 更通顺，后面的should master 有点多余。It is undoubted that it is pain 这个应该是It is undoutable that it is painful ....吧，语法这块，你多看看别人的文章注意一下就OK

3，逻辑。貌似你用了一下放之四海而皆准的道理，这个不够specific，好像雅思很忌讳这个，谈空话。 比如Firstly, just like the old saying goes” there will have to pay a return ”, which means that students can certainly acquire something after they have spent time and energy in language learning，你应该在写作上注意一定是要扣题，一定是foreign language learning相关。

4，句式略显单调，好像it is ....句型有点用的多了，学者用被动句式，会加分的。



前面说的是缺点，优点如下
1，你用的是四段式的，这是对一般的鸭子来说最合适的，长度292字，如果你考场上能达到这个字数，已经是足够了，实践证明想憋长文的人往往结不了尾。

2 连词用的不错。

本人不才，如果有不对还望见谅，就这些建议，祝早日炸7

西澳海豚

作文只拿六分的我，不敢指教 ------------

noodle

我作文考了3次，前2次都是6分，最后一次7.5。就是背了很多套用的句子，还有就是多看看网上英文新闻，文章（尤其是议论性质的）

xyliu925

个人感觉：
冠词丢了几处。
用词应简洁。没有必要用难词。正好与楼上的相反。the comments based on daily working writing.


From above discussion, I take the view that language learning should be required as I believe that foreign language is a basic skill that everyone, especial young students should master. However, it would be advisable for teachers to provide students enough help and correct learning methods.


In summary, language leaning should be required for all foreign language speakers which haven't reached the required level.

[ 本帖最后由 xyliu925 于 31-10-2012 22:32 编辑 ]

webdd

我10.13考过，从用词，语法，连词上感觉比你写的这个稍微好些，字数比你稍多，不过只有6.5。

ruofeng111

本人最近也在备战考试，相互交流。
1.这是一篇议论文，但是文章第一段没有明确的论点。
2.语法不当还是有一些的。比如On the other hand, however, it is worth pointing out that only a few students have language talent.  这句话中on the other hand和however是同一个意思，是否重复使用。 后面半句的结构是it is worth pointing out that...，读起来很是不通顺。

alpinistzheng

It is undoubted that it is pain for those who do not have language talent to learn languages.

pain- painful
On the other hand, however, 这两个最好不要一起用，内容重复了

楼主的逻辑稍稍有点欠缺。既然楼主是同意学习外语的，觉得楼主第二段论述同意比较好，而且内容上应该比不同意的更丰富点，而楼主第三段却感觉象让步，而且让人觉得学习的好处还不如坏处。所以楼主的段落安排和内容的重点好像有点相反了。所以楼主最后总结的时候说，综上所述，我觉得应该学习英语，但是看了这篇文章后其实并没有这种感觉。

In summary, 楼主如果能在四十分钟写出这样的文章还是不错的。有机会的话，把剑桥雅思后面好文章的行文逻辑，句型，词汇之类的再充实一下就更好了。就审题方面可以看看那些高评价的文章一般是怎么组织逻辑的。

[ 本帖最后由 alpinistzheng 于 1-11-2012 21:39 编辑 ]

alpinistzheng

想贴篇范文的，不过怎么也贴不上。有时间的话就直接背剑桥雅思后面范文的句子，不管是A类还是G类的。俗话说，熟读唐诗三百首，不会作诗也会吟阿。用到别的文章的时候套句子就好。

[ 本帖最后由 alpinistzheng 于 1-11-2012 22:18 编辑 ]

maomaodogs

第一段应该给出观点。另外用语觉得有点啰嗦，显得不太自信。另外，it is确实用的多了点。

immi_wasser

感觉6.5分，语法有些小错误，逻辑上也有点问题。但是总体上还是很不错的。比论坛上大部分贴上来要求被拍砖的写得好很多。个人感觉英语写作要想拿好的分数，必须注重Unity和Coherence。