写作屡试不到6，求各位拍砖

goldenrush

签证版都在打鸡血，求助帖不幸被鸡血淹没了 特来此求助。
鄙人前3鸭写作都在4.5~5.5分徘徊，一直不得要领，求各位达人拍砖。本周六即将4鸭，目标G类6分。有砖的筒子们别客气，使劲拍吧~~

上今天的作业：
Most of people hope that they can hold sporting competitions in their own countries, while others believe that it may cause problems. Discuss both sides and give your ideas
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Many countries in the world wish to hold sports competitions in recent years, such as the Olympic Games or the Football World Cup. Some people believe that holding sports competitions is beneficial for their countries while some others disagree. Personally, I agree with to the first view.

The most obvious benefit the sports competitions can bring is that large amount of tourists watching the competitions can promote the local economy greatly, especially for tourism and hotel industry. It is reported that the income for the hotels and tourist attractions near Beijing doubled during the Olympic Games in 2008.

It is also no wonder that holding sports competitions, especially world wide competitions, can promote the mutual cultural communication between people from different areas, because both the athletes and the viewers have to travel to the countries which hold the competitions. People have more opportunities to communicate with each other and learn different cultures. For instance, during the Football World Cup in South Africa in 2010, the South African traditional music instrument, Vovozela, became well-known all over the world.

Despite that holding competitions might need local government invest in the infrastructures and competitions facilities, which is regarded as a waste of money. Compared with the economy and culture benefits the competitions can bring, however, the cost is definitely worthy. The crimes caused by too much mobile population are also a major concern. Nevertheless, the local government can reduce the crime rate to a normal level by increasing investment in securities.

In conclusion, holding sports competitions can not only develop local economy, but also promote the culture communication between different areas or even countries. Although problems related with cost and crimes are concerned by many people, they are acceptable if treated suitably. In my opinion, I support to hold sports competitions in my own country.

katieli

好久不碰IELTS，不会从专业水平点评。
LZ观点是很清晰提出来了，但是论证观点要详细。另外语法错误还是比较多，建议恶补一下。
加油！

goldenrush

原帖由 katieli 于 19-10-2011 00:52 发表

                               
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好久不碰IELTS，不会从专业水平点评。
LZ观点是很清晰提出来了，但是论证观点要详细。另外语法错误还是比较多，建议恶补一下。
加油！

这么晚还有人热心人，太感谢了！
能否帮忙指出比较明显的语法错误？周六就要上场了，现在只能哪漏突击补哪，全补一遍时间赶不上了。拜托~

spike777

其实写作不难，重要的是2点：模板和审题，模板自己写，是为了节约时间给审题，只要审题对，其他方面别太离谱就有6了，审题错基本都是5.5或以下

longmel

建议lz注意一下语法，观点还可以