雅思作文--猜猜多少分

菠菜45

Topic:
A lot of people find it difficult to write letters and often avoid doing so altogether. Letter writing is a dying art. Do you agree with this statement.
Give reasons for your answer and including any relevant examples.
Write at least 250 word.
Essay:
   Nowadays there is an obvious trend that people write less and less, and it seems the art of letter writing is dying. For me I never write a real letter in almost 20 years, only post greeting cards during festival days. Why don't people like to do so altogether? I personally think there are three main reasons.
   The first reason should result from the development of commnunication technology. Comparing with 20 years ago, the popularity of telephone and mobile phone is significantly increasing. I don't have exact statistic data, but I believe 80% of Chinese family have telephones, and in the city nearly every adult owns a mobile phone. Meanwhile the unit price of phone call expense is decreased a lot. An express mail was expensive 20 years ago, and slower than telegraph, while the latter was more expensive and you had to choose precise words to limit the cost. But now telephone and mobile phone could do communication with faster speed and lower cost.
   The second reason could come from fast space of common people. Business people can fly over the world to meet their peers or discuss on video conference system, or just international call, because business activities need more dynamic response which letters cannot fit. Civilians have fewer time to chat with their neighbours or read books, much fewer time to sit down to think and write a letter to their relatives which long time not meeting. They even don't find it is necessary to do because they can call them if they need. No need go to a post office to post a mail, that is time consuming.
   The last reason I think it is because the lifestyle has been changed. People are getting used to fast food culture. They watch TV, play computer games, browse on the Internet, but don't like to read books or practise handwritting. Computers and Internet change their lifestyle. More and more Chinese people find they can read but forget how to write some Chinese characters. Nobody worry about it because their computers can spell for them when they write email or draft a document.Most people have a long time without writing on the paper.
   Is it shocking when we restospect the art of letter writing is dying? Does it deserve for us to revive it,especially the art of Chinese handwriting: SHU FA?

菠菜45

高手们都来指点一二，哪里写得不好，该如何改？

katsura

Chinese ppl r a bit special.

[ 本帖最后由 katsura 于 17-8-2011 14:03 编辑 ]

fredliu

菠菜的作文：
Ideas+topic engaging 7;
coherence/ logic +cohesion 7;
precision of wording 6;
grammar and variety of sentence patterns 6
应该和你第一次的成绩相同：6.5
观点深入和逻辑清楚是强项，有理科高手的痕迹；用词和语法比较粗糙，应该未经英语专业雕琢。但写到这个程度仍然可以看出下了不少工夫研究写作，希望这一次已经通过！

Katsura的修改接近native speaker，7.5

菠菜45

同意楼上的观点，Katsura真的很接近native English，领教了！

菠菜45

no more comments?

Here is sample of answer:
   It is true that many people struggle to produce letters and often avoid writing letters completely. However I don't agree that this skill is gradually disappearing.
   Firstly let us consider the reasons why people find it so diffcult to write. To begin with, writing letters is less frequent nowadays thanks to modern technology. These days we are much more likely to email someone than write a letter.  In addition our business communications have become more informal than in the past. As a result a less formal style of writing is more acceptable. Other forms of modern communication such as text messging have reduced our writing skills even further.
   Nevertheless I still feel that letter writing is an important skill to learn because there are many parts of the world where it is very important to be formal. This is particularly true if you are international and it is not always possible to pick up the telephone to talk to people. Consequently I believe that letter writing will never die out completely. And even though these letters may be written on computers rather than by hand, we still need to learn and pracitse this skill.
   To sum up, even though many people think writing letters is quite difficult, there is something they can do to improve their writing skills if they find it difficult. Personally I believe that if you want to make a good impression in any situation, then you need good writing skills.

菠菜45

原帖由 katsura 于 20-3-2010 19:28 发表

                               
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Some grammatical errors, logical errors and a few instances of 'speaking English with a Chinese mindset'.

================================
Here's my take on it:

There seem to be a trend that pe ...

I learned some interesting wording from your alteration, thank you1

There seem to be a trend that people are spending less time to put pen to paper these days . It would appear that the art of letter writing is dying.

Speaking from personal experience, I've not written a letter in almost 20 years. The only way of written communication for me is wording greeting cards for the festival seasons.
So how come people are finding it increasingly difficult to write letters? I'd like to put forward three possible reasons:

The first reason resulted from the development of new commnunication technologies: Compared with 20 years ago, the popularity of telephone and mobile phone has increased significantly. I have read that around 80% of Chinese households have telephones. In the urban area nearly every adult owns a mobile phone. Meanwhile the unit price of phone calls have dropped a lot. These days telephones can do communication with faster speed and lower cost than letters.

The second reason stems from the faster pace of the modern society. Businessmen can jet across the world to meet their clients or choose to have meetings on video conference systems. Business activities require dynamic responses which letters cannot provide.

The last reason is due to the changed lifestyle of many people. The younger generations are getting used to an instant gratification culture. They watch reality TV, eat fast food, play computer games, browse on the Internet. Very few read books or practise handwritting. The Internet has change their lifestyle. Reports show that it is increasingly common for  the average Chinese to be able to read but not write Chinese characters. No one seem to be worried because their computer can spell for them when they write an email or draft a document.

Even the older generation have fewer time to sit down and compose a letter to their relatives. Many find it un-necessary to write because they can simply make a telephone call if needed. Going to the post office to post a letter is seen as time consuming and in-effctive by many.

It is no shock then when we restospect on these facts, that the art of letter writing is dying.

kingoor

restospect ?
retrospect   !?

菠菜45

楼上对的，错别字，呵呵!