Is heartbreak really that painful?

xblues

candle21

16th September 2008 11:36 AM

                                                                                        Is heartbreak really that painful?

                                                                I've never fallen in love with someone so I've never experienced heartbreak but is it really that painful?

I ask this because not only do most songs sing about heartbreak (geezmust be super painful to be sung about over and over again) but becausesome of my friends are really strong people mentally/emotionally andthey did not cry a tear at their parent's/parents' passing and funeralbut they come to me crying their eyes out as soon as they break up/getcheated on/get dumped.

Enlighten me someone please?
       

Hudson08 16th September 2008 01:09 PM                                                                                                                 Break up's suck, even if you are the one instigating the break up, or on the other end of it. The emotions of a break up are not fun. In fact, they're outrighthorrible. Some of the most common emotions of a break up includesadness, misery, pain, anger, guilt, and self doubt. Additionally, theemotions of a break up can make you question your probability of everbeing in an unbreakable relationship. Though all of these emotions of abreak up are completely normal, there is one thing to remember. Thebreak up is not completely either parties fault. Sometimes you're left to wonder what you did wrong, what you could havedone differently, and what you did to deserve this kind of pain. Theanswer to all of those questions is the same: Nothing. Break ups do nothappen overnight. They are spurred on by a series of events that couldnot be changed with a single action. Whether you did something wrong,had another chance to do something differently, or broke some kind ofkarmic law, the outcome would still be the same. Many things go wrongin a relationship but it's almost inevitable to avoid at some stage ofyour life. It's a great growing experience in disguise and finding thepositives in each one is crucial to move on and approach the nextrelationship with a healthy attitude.

marly 16th September 2008 01:22 PM                                                                                                                 Itsabsolutely hideous and when experiencing it you feel like youll neverget over it but you do and life goes on. I think the longer therelationship the harder the break up. I would put breaking up on a par with a death. They are both loss ofsome sort. However with a death you dont ever get over it you justlearn to live with it. You mentioned that your friends didnt cry a tear at their parentspassing. This is quite normal. People deal with grief differently. Somepeople dont process it until years later and some people do it straightaway. The same can happen in relationships. Anyone who experiences lossis going to have to grieve sooner or later.

candle21 16th September 2008 02:36 PM                                                                                                                 I see... Very educational (for me)! ;) I guess I could probably write what it feels like after I experience itin the future and resurrect this thread from page 3,000. :p

Anthony Mahera 16th September 2008 03:53 PM                                                                                                                 Therewas one guy who I wished for which came true. I was falling for the guyand he broke my heart. Took me about 2 years to fully get over him. To describe how it felt; Heavy weights on my chest as if someone was sitting on me and sufficating me. Cry at a drop of a hat over the smallest most insignificant things including memories. No motovation what so ever to do anything (even eating). Constantly want to sleep. Lose all self pride and self esteem. Constantly question yourself about everything, thinking "what did I dowrong", and get frustrated when you can't or don't find out the answer. Feel like there is a massive hole inside your body like a piece is missing. Take what I have said above, times it by 100 and you will get close to what its like to be heartbroken.

sTaRiA 16th September 2008 04:02 PM                                                                                                                 Whenmy ex dumped me I cried non stop for about a week. I couldnt go towork, or even leave the house. I just sat on the loungeroom floor andsurrounded by soggy tissues, alcohol bottles and chocolate wrappers...all the while she was moving on with someone else... And I'm the same.am always the composed one at funerals etc but when it comes to affairsof the heart I cant bottle things.

sTaRiA 16th September 2008 04:03 PM                                                                                                                 PS: Hugs to Anthony

Anthony Mahera 16th September 2008 04:24 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by sTaRiA                                        (Post 48596)                                                                Whenmy ex dumped me I cried non stop for about a week. I couldnt go towork, or even leave the house. I just sat on the loungeroom floor andsurrounded by soggy tissues, alcohol bottles and chocolate wrappers...all the while she was moving on with someone else... And I'm the same.am always the composed one at funerals etc but when it comes to affairsof the heart I cant bottle things.                                                                 Oh babe...............................boys are bloody bastards :p

sTaRiA 16th September 2008 04:36 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Anthony Mahera                                        (Post 48602)                                                                Oh babe...............................boys are bloody bastards :p                                                                 Yeah? Its funny, I found the boys to be alot easier to deal withwhen it came to break ups. Maybe coz my heart wasnt really in it and Iknew I wasnt supposed to be with them. But that bitch? That really cutdeep.. Gawd I'm still so mad at her...

Anthony Mahera 16th September 2008 04:39 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by sTaRiA                                        (Post 48608)                                                                Yeah?Its funny, I found the boys to be alot easier to deal with when it cameto break ups. Maybe coz my heart wasnt really in it and I knew I wasntsupposed to be with them. But that bitch? That really cut deep.. GawdI'm still so mad at her...                                                                 Actually your right.............girls are a bit of a handful (remembering that days when my sister broke up with her BF's). ;)

eleven 11 16th September 2008 05:34 PM                                                                                                                 Candles,I would never wish a broken heart on anyone, though chances are youwill experience it at least once in this lifetime. I sat on the floorof my shower for hours in the dark, sobbing, feeling like it would befar easier and much less painful to just die. And some do...

marly 16th September 2008 07:26 PM                                                                                                                 Ithink its really important to spread your love and not put all youreggs in one basket. ie-have a healthy social network and supportiveloving friends. Also its important to try to live a full life andnurture your own interests etc. When you have these areas of your lifetogether you tend not to fall so hard as when you dont.

GenesisInVain 16th September 2008 07:29 PM                                                                                                                 Itsa pretty low feeling and it can drag on forever. Sometimes its so easyto heal...other times it takes years! Currently feeling the former.

ecclipse83 16th September 2008 11:10 PM                                                                                                                 this is how it works for me ... (when i do it) I think we are more friends than lovers and i think we should end our relationship ..... 30 minutes later i'm over it when it happened to me (well the once it did) ... i was crushed for a day and then ... you guessed it OVER IT! ... ilive my life for the moment and have no real time for useless emotionthat will cripple my world... Umm maybe why i am single

Lynda Dowling 16th September 2008 11:22 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by ecclipse83                                        (Post 48719)                                                                this is how it works for me ... (when i do it) I think we are more friends than lovers and i think we should end our relationship ..... 30 minutes later i'm over it when it happened to me (well the once it did) ... i was crushed for a day and then ... you guessed it OVER IT! ... ilive my life for the moment and have no real time for useless emotionthat will cripple my world... Umm maybe why i am single                                                                 Maybe you just haven't met the 'right' one...yet

Lynda Dowling 16th September 2008 11:24 PM                                                                                                                 Anthony..... you are a treasure.... one day someone deserving of you will come to you you are too good to be single there is a lot of love there to share with someone special

candle21 16th September 2008 11:28 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Lynda Dowling                                        (Post 48729)                                                                Anthony..... you are a treasure.... one day someone deserving of you will come to you you are too good to be single there is a lot of love there to share with someone special                                                                 Nice answer Lynda! (oh and I agree). ;)

ecclipse83 16th September 2008 11:35 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Lynda Dowling                                        (Post 48728)                                                                Maybe you just haven't met the 'right' one...yet                                                                 Hello Love, I've met him, just never dated him ... but i do have a watch this space happening atm with 2 rocker boys

camiseta 17th September 2008 12:09 AM                                                                                                                 Hmmmm wasn't going to write anything for fear of dredging it up. Might help though. **** it here goes. 2 years ago. BF and I started process of getting him a skilledmigration visa. Half way through this process he calls me, drunk, at3am one saturday to tell me that he's changed his mind, he was leavingthe country, he'd booked his ticket, and that he wanted me to stay withhim until the date that he was leaving. I foolishly agreed. For the next three months I gave all the emotional support to him I could. And didn't take care of myself emotionally. He finally left. I was coping ok. Until. 10 days later one of his friends suggested tome that my ex was seeing 4 other people at same time as me. That was the worst night of my life. At about 4am I ran out of people Iknew in time zones around the world that were still awake that I couldcall. How I managed to stay alive for that next hour and a half I'll neverknow. My only contact with ex at that point was email and messenger(cause he hadn't gotten a phone yet back in his home country) and Ikept checking computer every 3 minutes or so all night to confront himif he came online. Breathing was nearly impossible and every minutewent for what seemed like an hour. Even Lifeline were engaged when Itried to call 'em. Guess I wasn't the only one struggling that night. Ijust knew that if I could manage to make it through night I'd be ok. I showered and dressed and was sitting in my office by 6am next day.But I couldn't hold a scalpel, I could barely write I was shaking somuch. I got some diazepam and saw a psychologist that day and westarted working on the anxiety I had. Took three months of workingthrough it to control my emotions and thoughts. It was over a weekbefore I could pick up a scalpel at work. "Queue Gloria Gaynor" But you know what? I made it. I know stuff now I would never have known about myself and I'm better for it. Did he really cheat on me? Who knows. And in the end it doesn't matter.What matters is that I was a good man who stayed with a guy who neededsupport and love at a difficult time.

ecclipse83 17th September 2008 12:10 AM                                                                                                                 ***Hugs***

candle21 17th September 2008 12:16 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by camiseta                                        (Post 48762)                                                                Hmmmm wasn't going to write anything for fear of dredging it up. Might help though. **** it here goes. 2 years ago. BF and I started process of getting him a skilledmigration visa. Half way through this process he calls me, drunk, at3am one saturday to tell me that he's changed his mind, he was leavingthe country, he'd booked his ticket, and that he wanted me to stay withhim until the date that he was leaving. I foolishly agreed. For the next three months I gave all the emotional support to him I could. And didn't take care of myself emotionally. He finally left. I was coping ok. Until. 10 days later one of his friends suggested tome that my ex was seeing 4 other people at same time as me. That was the worst night of my life. At about 4am I ran out of people Iknew in time zones around the world that were still awake that I couldcall. How I managed to stay alive for that next hour and a half I'll neverknow. My only contact with ex at that point was email and messenger(cause he hadn't gotten a phone yet back in his home country) and Ikept checking computer every 3 minutes or so all night to confront himif he came online. Breathing was nearly impossible and every minutewent for what seemed like an hour. Even Lifeline were engaged when Itried to call 'em. Guess I wasn't the only one struggling that night. Ijust knew that if I could manage to make it through night I'd be ok. I showered and dressed and was sitting in my office by 6am next day.But I couldn't hold a scalpel, I could barely write I was shaking somuch. I got some diazepam and saw a psychologist that day and westarted working on the anxiety I had. Took three months of workingthrough it to control my emotions and thoughts. It was over a weekbefore I could pick up a scalpel at work. "Queue Gloria Gaynor" But you know what? I made it. I know stuff now I would never have known about myself and I'm better for it. Did he really cheat on me? Who knows. And in the end it doesn't matter.What matters is that I was a good man who stayed with a guy who neededsupport and love at a difficult time.                                                                 Wow... I never ever even came close to realising from all thereplies on this thread just how painful heartbreak is... It makes everyother thing that's made me sad in Life seem like petty nothings. *Thinks*

Lynda Dowling 17th September 2008 06:53 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by camiseta                                        (Post 48762)                                                                Hmmmm wasn't going to write anything for fear of dredging it up. Might help though. **** it here goes. 2 years ago. BF and I started process of getting him a skilledmigration visa. Half way through this process he calls me, drunk, at3am one saturday to tell me that he's changed his mind, he was leavingthe country, he'd booked his ticket, and that he wanted me to stay withhim until the date that he was leaving. I foolishly agreed. For the next three months I gave all the emotional support to him I could. And didn't take care of myself emotionally. He finally left. I was coping ok. Until. 10 days later one of his friends suggested tome that my ex was seeing 4 other people at same time as me. That was the worst night of my life. At about 4am I ran out of people Iknew in time zones around the world that were still awake that I couldcall. How I managed to stay alive for that next hour and a half I'll neverknow. My only contact with ex at that point was email and messenger(cause he hadn't gotten a phone yet back in his home country) and Ikept checking computer every 3 minutes or so all night to confront himif he came online. Breathing was nearly impossible and every minutewent for what seemed like an hour. Even Lifeline were engaged when Itried to call 'em. Guess I wasn't the only one struggling that night. Ijust knew that if I could manage to make it through night I'd be ok. I showered and dressed and was sitting in my office by 6am next day.But I couldn't hold a scalpel, I could barely write I was shaking somuch. I got some diazepam and saw a psychologist that day and westarted working on the anxiety I had. Took three months of workingthrough it to control my emotions and thoughts. It was over a weekbefore I could pick up a scalpel at work. "Queue Gloria Gaynor" But you know what? I made it. I know stuff now I would never have known about myself and I'm better for it. Did he really cheat on me? Who knows. And in the end it doesn't matter.What matters is that I was a good man who stayed with a guy who neededsupport and love at a difficult time.                                                                 All I can think to say is..... It is not your fault. Sometimes we show good qualities such as compassion and vulnerability to others who may take advantage but after an ordeal such as yours you have arrived having been a better and wiser person for the experience albeit painful So what would you do differently next time ... to protect yourself from your goodness????

marly 17th September 2008 06:55 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by ecclipse83                                        (Post 48719)                                                                this is how it works for me ... (when i do it) I think we are more friends than lovers and i think we should end our relationship ..... 30 minutes later i'm over it when it happened to me (well the once it did) ... i was crushed for a day and then ... you guessed it OVER IT! ... ilive my life for the moment and have no real time for useless emotionthat will cripple my world... Umm maybe why i am single                                                                 Yeah but how long was the relationship? 2 days? I actually like to feel like really good friends in a relationship. Infact I think its more important than the lovers part. Why you may ask?Well as you may know the lusty feelings do fade, its a natural part ofany relationship and if you have a good solid friendship when ithappens you then have something more that will keep you together. Anyrelationship that lasts the distance has to have friendship as itsbasis. You cannot live with one person for 10,20 or 50 years and not begreat friends.

Lynda Dowling 17th September 2008 06:55 AM                                                                                                                 Oh, and at the initial stages of the relationship, did you sense his desperate state of mind .... at all? Did you sense that his needs may have been stronger than his desires????

Lynda Dowling 17th September 2008 06:57 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by marly                                        (Post 48795)                                                                Yeah but how long was the relationship? 2 days? I actually like to feel like really good friends in a relationship. Infact I think its more important than the lovers part. Why you may ask?Well as you may know the lusty feelings do fade, its a natural part ofany relationship and if you have a good solid friendship when ithappens you then have something more that will keep you together. Anyrelationship that lasts the distance has to have friendship as itsbasis. You cannot live with one person for 10,20 or 50 years and not begreat friends.                                                                 Marly I always enjoy your comments.... you seem to say what is good common sense... you always seem to say the right thing at the right time... inspiring!!!! wise!!!

brodes13 17th September 2008 08:40 AM                                                                                                                 Yes - hearbreak hurts. But I'd go thru it all again anyday to have the same feeling I once had when I was in love.

marly 17th September 2008 09:11 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Lynda Dowling                                        (Post 48797)                                                                Marly I always enjoy your comments.... you seem to say what is good common sense... you always seem to say the right thing at the right time... inspiring!!!! wise!!!                                                                 You mean apart from the times when Im whining complainingbitching and being generally negative? But seriously, glad you enjoythem Lynda. I have no idea where it comes from, deep within my chasmssomewhere I suppose as Kath Day/Night might say hehe

Anthony Mahera 17th September 2008 09:36 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Lynda Dowling                                        (Post 48729)                                                                Anthony..... you are a treasure.... one day someone deserving of you will come to you you are too good to be single there is a lot of love there to share with someone special                                                                 *HUGS* Warm and fuzzy today!

candle21 17th September 2008 09:37 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by brodes13                                        (Post 48804)                                                                Yes - hearbreak hurts. But I'd go thru it all again anyday to have the same feeling I once had when I was in love.                                                                 Very inspiring.

                               

camiseta

17th September 2008 09:47 AM

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Originally Posted by Lynda Dowling                                        (Post 48794)                                                                So what would you do differently next time ... to protect yourself from your goodness????

I did learn a lot from it.

Next time (and I've successfully put this into practice) I will beaware of when things aren't quite right and question them. I will putmyself and my needs ahead of someone elses. Sounds selfish but I figurethat I wasn't any good to anyone when this all happened and I need tokeep it together for my own sake and for other peoples.

Thrawn04

18th September 2008 11:25 PM

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Originally Posted by candle21                                        (Post 48769)                                                                Wow...I never ever even came close to realising from all the replies on thisthread just how painful heartbreak is... It makes every other thingthat's made me sad in Life seem like petty nothings. *Thinks*

I agree. This thread has been very informational for me. When Ithink back to my parents divorce I can understand it - but I've neverfelt heartbreak before... but I do know loneliness
*sigh* emotions... why must the highs be negated by the lows? :confused:
Might as well ask another question...

Which is more painful/hard - heartbreak or loneliness?
       

candle21 18th September 2008 11:44 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Thrawn04                                        (Post 49400)                                                                Iagree. This thread has been very informational for me. When I thinkback to my parents divorce I can understand it - but I've never feltheartbreak before... but I do know loneliness *sigh* emotions... why must the highs be negated by the lows? :confused: Might as well ask another question... Which is more painful/hard - heartbreak or loneliness?                                                                 O . M . G . You took the words right out of my mouth! I have felt/been lonely for the past few years since turning 18 (I'm 21 now) and it's crushing to say the least. Sometimes you just lay there in the dark looking at the ceiling wishingthere was that special someone next to you that you can hold to sleepand wake up with in their arms... I can't answer the question though since I've never been in Love. :mad: :p

Thrawn04 18th September 2008 11:55 PM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by candle21                                        (Post 49413)                                                                O . M . G . You took the words right out of my mouth! I have felt/been lonely for the past few years since turning 18 (I'm 21 now) and it's crushing to say the least. Sometimes you just lay there in the dark looking at the ceiling wishingthere was that special someone next to you that you can hold to sleepand wake up with in their arms... I can't answer the question though since I've never been in Love. :mad: :p                                                                 We really are on similar wavelenghts aren't we Candle! Anyway I suppose some good wisdom from the Monty Python gang counts -Always look on the bright side of life *whistles the tune hehehe*

brodes13 19th September 2008 08:22 AM                                                                                                                         Quote:                                                                                                                                 Originally Posted by Thrawn04                                        (Post 49400)                                                                Iagree. This thread has been very informational for me. When I thinkback to my parents divorce I can understand it - but I've never feltheartbreak before... but I do know loneliness *sigh* emotions... why must the highs be negated by the lows? :confused: Might as well ask another question... Which is more painful/hard - heartbreak or loneliness?                                                                 I think heartbreak initially is much more painful to begin with... But then I think extended lonliness also has a painful side... Hmm... good question! I dont think I have ever let myself ever get thatlonely that I am in pain though. Surely friends count for something inthis situation. I think highs and lows happen as the whole universe is a bit of abalancing act. A bit of the ying and yang principle, and karma. Forevery good time - there is also a bad time. For every wrong you commit,a wrong will be done to you. without these bad times guys, you wont really appreciate the good oneswhen they do happen to you again Good things happen to good people -and you seem lovely - so I am sure good things are headed your way! x

                               

pdunni

19th September 2008 09:20 PM

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Originally Posted by brodes13                                        (Post 49466)                                                                I think heartbreak initially is much more painful to begin with... But then I think extended lonliness also has a painful side... Hmm... good question! I dont think I have ever let myself ever get thatlonely that I am in pain though. Surely friends count for something inthis situation. I think highs and lows happen as the whole universe is a bit of abalancing act. A bit of the ying and yang principle, and karma. Forevery good time - there is also a bad time. For every wrong you commit,a wrong will be done to you. without these bad times guys, you wont really appreciate the good oneswhen they do happen to you again Good things happen to good people -and you seem lovely - so I am sure good things are headed your way! x

Well said. I also feel how you react to bad times will be a major part of your overall happiness or not.

It is easy to be a victim and 'throw your ass in the corner'.