偶没水平写正经英文，开始贴笑话吧

牧马人

A bear and a rabbit both pooed in the woods. The bear asked the rabbit 'do you have problem with shit on your fur?' The rabbit looked at his own bottom and said 'No, not at all.'

Then the bear wiped his ass with the rabbit.

yping88

yping88

牧马人 发表于 23-9-2018 21:57
A bear and a rabbit both pooed in the woods. The bear asked the rabbit 'do you have problem with shi ...

Knock, Knock!

yping88

牧马人 发表于 22-9-2018 20:20
What's the difference between jam and marmalade?
Well you can't marmalade a stick into somebody's a ...

Nooo, you stuffed someone's toast

牧马人

yping88 发表于 23-9-2018 22:12
Knock, Knock!

Who's there?

牧马人

yping88 发表于 23-9-2018 22:24
Nooo, you stuffed someone's toast

Not my problem. I only have butter and Vegemite.

yping88

牧马人 发表于 23-9-2018 22:39
Who's there?

yping88, your "Bestie"

What's up with you

牧马人

yping88 发表于 23-9-2018 23:01
yping88, your "Bestie"

What's up with you

Nothing special except this silly bugger.

yping88

@牧马人
So cute, is it she or he? What is he/she?

愚夫

A true story in Britain after the invention of the telephone in US in 1876.

When the head of British Post Office asked the leader of electrician engineer team if Britain needs telephone, the leader said "we do not need, because we have plenty of messenger boys".

指纹

Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.

Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.

Men 2017: I just shaved my legs. (comments: this is very true in China nowadays )

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I was sitting in a bar one day and two really large women came in, talking in an interesting accent.

So I said, “Cool accent, are you two ladies from Ireland?”

One of them snarled at me, “It’s Wales, dumbo!”

So I corrected myself, “Oh, right, so are you two whales from Ireland?”

That’s about as far as I remember.

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A naked women robbed a bank. Nobody could remember her face.

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yping88

@愚夫
Guess the telephone system put all the messenger boys out of their jobs in post office

愚夫

yping88 发表于 24-9-2018 12:16
@愚夫
Guess the telephone system put all the messenger boys out of their jobs in post office

That's right, traditionally there were lots of messenger boys delivering letters/packages in the postal field, the Britain people thought they already had enough people to do the jobs, why to have the 'telephones'.

指纹

愚夫 发表于 24-9-2018 12:51
That's right, traditionally there were lots of messenger boys delivering letters/packages in the p ...

We've had enough people to do their job, so what's the point of AI?

牧马人

指纹 发表于 24-9-2018 10:48
Men 1845: I just killed a buffalo.

Men 1952: I just fixed the roof.

No bloody way. I bet those sissy pants boys don't even have hair on their legs.

牧马人

yping88 发表于 24-9-2018 09:52
@牧马人
So cute, is it she or he? What is he/she?

It's a boy border collie named Charlie

yping88

@牧马人
Yeah, Border Collies are the smart one's and very easy to train! But, don't you train him to be like you though.
It's nice for Charlie to take your handsome look, but don't pass on to him your personality! We need variety and diversity. Hahaha

牧马人

yping88 发表于 24-9-2018 17:15
@牧马人
Yeah, Border Collies are the smart one's and very easy to train! But, don't you train him  ...

Maybe I shall get a Rottie

yping88

牧马人 发表于 24-9-2018 20:15
Maybe I shall get a Rottie

What about Rottie?

yping88

@牧马人
I figure out what other breed you should get: Husky.

They can talk like babies! I reckon, if you get a Husky and intensively train him/her, he/her can possibly pick up from you your gift of gab.

yping88

We have a friend who always is the first one to spot snakes on the walking track if there is any. We think he is the one who attracts snakes, and grant him with a beautiful name: Snake charmer

牧马人

yping88 发表于 25-9-2018 06:42
@牧马人
I figure out what other breed you should get: Husky.

Wow, thanks for putting so much thoughts on me. Appreciate it.

yping88

No sweat! @牧马人
I happen to know a thing or two about the pooches, thought I'd better share it

yping88

A colleague/friend of mine has been frequently checking in on me at work: Are you upset? Did I do anything wrong? You are not smiling, are you Ok? Is it me upsetting you?

Me: What? Are you tip-toeing around me? I appreciate your concerns, but, not everything is about you, all right? Plus, if something is about You, I would say it straight to your face, rather than let you read too much into me!

指纹

yping88 发表于 26-9-2018 10:37
A colleague/friend of mine has been frequently checking in on me at work: Are you upset? Did I do an ...

she must owe you a lot of money

yping88

@指纹
If she came cross like this with me again, I would ask her how much she thinks she owes me!

指纹

Guest at a restaurant: “I refuse to eat this roastbeef. Please call the manager! “

Waiter: “That’s no use. He won’t eat it either.”

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So much has changed since my girlfriend told me we’re having a baby. For instance my name, address and telephone number!

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Q: What do politicians and diapers have in common?
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A: Both should be changed regularly, and both for the same reason.

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A husband and a wife sit at the table, having dinner. The woman drops a bit of tomato sauce on her white top. "Och, I look like a pig!"

The man nods, "And you dropped tomato sauce on your top!"

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yping88

Dog-friendly gate!

NC囧hi

what do farmers use to count cows?

cowculator

yearshappy

Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?

Eat right, stay fit, die anyway.

What did Bacon say Tomato? Lettuce get together.

What do lawyers wear to court? Lawsuits!

What do you call a boy who finally stood up to the bullies? An ambulance.