时隔7年再次写出英语作文，求痛批

woyunsi3000

自从研究生考试过后，貌似就没有再写过应试的英语作文了，今天下午花了大约40分钟写了一篇，求痛批！！
Topic：Some people believe that greed and selfishness has become the basis of modern society, and we should return to the old traditions of family and community then we will have a better life. To what extent do you agree or disagree with the above opinion?

Living in a fast paced, modern society, people are believed to act more selfish in daily life, compared to their traditional ancestors who lived a more generous, sharing life which is more comfortable.
Indeed, modern people are suffering from more pressures outside, they are forced to be more selfish and cold hearted, competing for a higher position or better income. Some have to bet all the 'property' they have: time, brain, family and even heath in the game. Only in this way can they get a little more confidence in surviving.
While on the other hand, it seems that the traditional people didn't have to be in such a crucial situation, however, starving and plenty kinds of disease are threatening people's life all the time. The nature took the place of being a rival from the mankind itself. Team play became a must when facing the challenge coming from the wilds. Life won't be that easy.
When we share, the happiness comes along, that's why all the religions tell us to be generous, it is the call from our deep heart itself. We should encourage more sharing and caring for each other while enjoying the benefit in highly developed modern society.

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反正我写不出来，  我去SKILLMAX的时候，要求英语测试，要我写一篇文章，我起码花了一个小时才搞出一篇乱糟糟的