也写一封信给我的同性恋儿子

xblues

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Dear Hypothetically Gay Son
亲爱的我未来的同性恋儿子

On Tuesday morning I ran across this letter on Reddit, from a father disowning his gay son. It broke my heart. It's not the first time that I've seen something like this; here in Utah it's a pretty common story. In fact, I had friends in high school who experienced it firsthand. But Tuesday was the first time I'd run across such a story since becoming a dad. My son is living in his mom's belly right now, so obviously we don't know his sexual orientation. Still, the letter I read Tuesday morning made me wonder what my letter would say if the news that my son was gay ended up being a surprise. So here it is:

周二早晨我在Reddit网站上看到了一封父亲写给他的同性恋儿子的一封诀别信。这封信让我心都碎了。这不是我第一次看到类似的故事，在我所在的犹他州，这类的故事很普遍。但是周二这次当我读到这个故事的时候，我自己的身份已经有所不同，如今我也快要是一个孩子的父亲了。我的儿子如今还在他妈妈的肚子里没有出生呢，所以很显然，不此时并不知道我儿子的性取向如何。周二我读到那个父亲写给他的同性恋儿子的诀别信的时候，也让我自己想，如果碰巧我儿子也告诉我他是同性恋，我会怎么回复我儿子呢？

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Dear hypothetically gay son,

我心爱的同性恋儿子，

You're gay. Obviously you already know that, because you told us at the dinner table last night. I apologize for the awkward silence afterwards, but I was chewing. It was like when we're at a restaurant and the waiter comes up mid-bite and asks how the meal is, only in this metaphor you are the waiter, and instead of asking me about my meal, you said you were gay. I don't know why I needed to explain that. I think I needed to find a funny way to repeat the fact that you're gay... because that is what it sounds like in my head right now: "My son is gay. My son is gay. My son is gay."

我是一个同性恋。很显然你一直知道你是同性恋，因为昨天晚饭的时候你告诉我的。我对于我听到这个震惊的消息之后的沉默表示道歉，可我当时嘴里才满了食物，没法说话。那个情景正如，我在一个饭店吃法，服务生正好来了，问我食物怎么样，可是我当时嘴里塞满了东西没法回答，而你就是那个服务生，却不是问我觉得食物怎么样，你跟我出柜了。我想我努力去找一种轻松风趣的方式去回味这个事实，我儿子是同性恋，因为我此时此刻，脑子里还在反复重复这个事实。

Let me be perfectly clear: I love you. I will always love you. Since being gay is part of who you are, I love that you're gay. I'm just trying to wrap my head around the idea. If you sensed any sadness in my silence last night, it was because I was surprised that I was surprised. Ideally, I would have already known. Since you were an embryo, my intent has always been to really know you for who you are and not who I expect you to be. And yet, I was taken by surprise at last night's dinner. Have I said "surprise" enough in this paragraph? One more time: Surprise!

让我郑重其事的告诉你：我爱你！我一直爱你，并且永远爱你！同性恋是你不可分割的一部分，我爱你是同性恋的这个事实。我只是努力去消化这个事实而已。如果我昨晚的沉默让你感觉失望的话，那仅仅是因为我有点吃惊，我很意外。实际上，我应该早就知道你是同性恋了。从小，我就希望了解那个真实的你，而不是去了解那个我期望看到的你。

OK. Let's get a few things straight about how things are going to be.

现在让我们一起看看下一步会发生什么。

Our home is a place of safety and love. The world has dealt you a difficult card. While LGBT people are becoming more accepted, it is still a difficult path to walk. You're going to experience hate and anger and misunderstandings about who you are out in the world. That will not happen here. You need to know with every fiber of who you are that when you walk in the front door of your home, you are safe, and you are loved. Your mother is in complete agreement with me on this.

咱们家是一个充满了爱的安全港湾。如今世人对同性恋这个群体的态度越来越宽容，但是现实情况，作为一个同性恋仍然要面对很多困难。在外边你将不得不受到仇恨，误解和无辜的被指责。但是在家里，你丝毫不用担心。你一定要知道无论你在外边面临什么问题，一旦你回到家里，家里是最安全的，我们都爱你。

I am still, as always, your biggest defender. Just because you're gay doesn't mean you're any less capable of taking care of and defending yourself. That said, if you need me to stand next to you or in front of you, write letters, sign petitions, advocate, or anything else, I am here. I would go to war for you.

我依然并且一直是你的守护者。即便你是同性恋，这并不意味着你不能够照顾和保护你自己。当然，在你需要我的时候，我依然会和你并肩，我会保护你，无条件的支持你。写信，请愿，宣传，任何事情，我都会跟着你一起去做，如果需要，我甚至跟你一起去为你而战！

If you're going to have boys over, you now need to leave your bedroom door open. Sorry, kiddo. Them's the breaks. I couldn't have girls in my room with the door shut, so you don't get to have boys.

当然如果你带男孩子来咱家过夜，我会告诉你你需要保持你我是的房门敞开，对不起啦，孩子，既然我小时候带女孩子回家的时候，我爸妈不让我把房门关闭，你也不能够有这个特权，即便是你带的是男孩子。

You and I are going to revisit that talk we had about safe sex. I know it's going to be awkward for both of us, but it is important. I need to do some research first, so let's give it a few weeks. If you have questions or concerns before then, let me know.

我和你还要谈安全性交的问题，我知道这会让我们两个都很尴尬，但是性安全很重要。这个我得先查一些资料，给我点时间。

That's enough for now. Feel free to view this letter as a contract. If I ever fail to meet any of the commitments made herein, pull it out and hold me to account. I'll end with this: You are not broken. You are whole, and beautiful. You are capable and compassionate. You and your sister are the best things I have ever done with my life, and I couldn't be prouder of the people you've become.

你可以把这封信保存好了，留作证据。要是我将来没有做到我这里对你的承诺，请提醒我。总之，你要知道你不是不完整的，你是完美的！你有能力你也有热情。你和你姐姐是我这一辈子最大的成就，我为有你而感到骄傲！

Love,
Dad

爱你的爸爸。

P.S. Thanks to a few key Supreme Court decisions and the Marriage Equality Act of 2020, you're legally able to get married. When I was your age, that was just an idea. Pretty cool, huh?

还有，感谢最高法院在2020年通过了同性婚姻法案，你如今可以和你喜欢的男孩子结婚。在我那个时候，这还是一个梦想，有趣吧？
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I'd like to thank Reddit user "RegBarc" for bravely sharing that letter. I'm sorry for the pain your dad caused by writing it. If you're ever in Salt Lake City, you're welcome at our dinner table any time.

我感谢Reddit社区的James，勇敢的和世人分享了他的故事。我对你的父亲最你的所作所为感到很遗憾。如果那天你来盐湖城，随时欢迎你来我家共进晚餐。

Dear readers, what would your letter say? Chime in in the comments section below.

An earlier version of this piece appeared on John Kinnear's personal blog, Ask Your Dad.