烤鸭1年后写的作文，大家帮忙看看给点建议

lijuv

焦虑的等待我的担保结果，等待NSW的SMP，说什么好呢，去年一年都在等，等雅思复议，等SOL，等职业评估，等SMP，等的心烦意燥，等到最后所有州都对雅思4个6的工程师说BYEBYE的时候，递交了NSW的475担保申请，如果这个475的担保能成功的话也不枉这番心血了。
但是谁知道呢，担保失败的话还是要考4个7的，今天忍不住了写篇作文吧，写完了发现明显的缺点还跟考雅思前一样：速度慢，花了近一个小时，也许是一年没写了吧，给自己找个借口；篇幅有点长，339个字，总是规划不好刹不住车，导致时间不够草率结尾。
各位朋友给看看质量怎么样？够6的水平吗？有冲7的希望吗？真的需要大家的建议。纠结，搞不好真要去整4个7。
要考雅思4个7，先拿下写作再说，其他各项说真的都比写作简单。
作文题目是10年1月9日的考题。
100109 社会 Some people believe that the charity organizations should give aid to those in greatest need，wherever they live. Some people believe that the charity organizations would better concentrate on helping people who live in own country instead. Discuss both views and give your own opinion.



With the rapid progress of human civilization, more and more people gradually focus on the issue about charity organization. Many people hope that charities can play a key role in addressing the problems of poverty and aiding to those who suffer from war, disease and natural disaster. However, different people have their respective opinions on how to operate and manage a charity organization effectively.

Helping all refugees who are in the worst situation is a basic obligation for any charities. All resources should be given to those who need to be helped indeed, wherever they are. These holding this opinion think the actual meaning of charity is undoubtedly to do so. It is illegal to treat those refugees differently according to their nationalities, complexion or religions. In addition, charities to help people in a worldwide range can improve their own images. Therefore, they may get more assistance from more individuals, companies and governments. Having acquired reliable funds and materials, charities can operate in a better condition. This is a good circle.

On the other hand, some people argue that the first aim to a charity organization is to resolve local problems. There are a multitude of various charity organizations in this world. If every unit could deal with its local problems perfectly, this global might be more livable and beautiful. Moreover, the ability of one organization is limited. It is unpractical to intend to offer assistance to all people needing help. If to do so, those charities cannot continue to work due to overdraft. Finally, on behalf of local persons’ interests, priority task for a charity is to keep local social stability. Thus, charities should concern more about problems which occurs in their own areas.

All in all, both sides seem to make sense. I think charities should not only pay attention to local issues but put their priority on urgent aids in the whole world. However, in order to realize this aim indeed, a headquarter, which is in charge of cooperating normal work of all charities, is necessary.

Melb机场接送

7分有困难
6分应该可以吧