请高手~改雅思作文~万分感激！

WJ.

Last month you had a holiday overseas where you stayed with some friends.
They have just sent you some photos of your holiday.

Dear Amanda and Janet,
  How are you doing? I have been missing you so much and I have received the photos of our holiday which are totally cute. These photos rise my memory that back to last month when we have a lot of fun in Taiwan. Thank you for your 热情款待 during the holiday time. Since I came back to Shanghai, I have immersed into the work, that is why I wrote to you in late time. Next month my work will become less than this month, thus I am pleased to invite you to my house and stay with me if it also suit your schedule. I feel it a precious chance for me to be your guider to visit one of the most modern city Shanghai which will bring many surprise to you. I am looking forward to your reply, and waiting to meet you.
With love and best wishes,…


Some people believe that teenagers should concentrate on all school subjects. Others believe that teenagers should focus on the subjects that they are best at or that they find the most interest. Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.

There are widely differing views on the issue of whether all school subjects should be concentrated on. Some people would suggest if students learn a variety of different subjects at school, this particular teaching content may assist student in enriching knowledge and broadening horizon. I personally believe that only from the subject which can be found the most interest would be focus on and obtained more knowledge from it.
One point which I believe to be absolutely pivotal is the fact that all teaching contents in school are basically and 表面的. The majority of school education teach students capable of controlling the knowledge, and the knowledge is likely to be a tool to solute simply problems in the life and work. Thus, to be a real useful expert in some particular area, you should pay more energy and time in some particular subjects that studies are tough tasks but you are interested in it.
However, everyone’s energy and time are limited, how to allocate them reasonably will influence the studying process directly. As a smart student, to my mind, you should think about what you want indeed carefully before you device your limited energy and time.
In conclusion, I think when you make up the mind of which subject you are really interested in, then you will pay one hundred percent attention to it, in addition the great success will not be far away.

famous000

Amanda and Janet?

sounds like a gay couple.

除了一些小语法错误，比如rise是不可数动词，有些地方应该用过去时态，有些词语不准确，一句话两个主语，之外就没什么可说了。

WJ.

谢谢楼上的！谢谢啊！能过6吗？

TWT

how are you doing? I miss you. 这样开头不好，非常中国的搞法。“你好吗，我很想念你”，西方人似乎不会这样。也有点俗气的味道。

The happy times I spent with you keeps coming back to my memory. 西方人会以这种方式表达感情。中国人往往感情过于外露。

后面的没看。

WJ.

我把楼上的表述背下了，非常感谢！

Winnie1010

很好。但不要把grammar error背下。最好如下：

The happy times I spent with you ”keep“ coming back to my memory.
or
The happy time I spent with you ”keeps“ coming back to my memory.  

原帖由 WJ. 于 24-11-2010 15:55 发表

                               
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我把楼上的表述背下了，非常感谢！

Winnie1010

You may better structure your introduction:

e.g.

Young students may not find all school subjects interesting. Though teenagers can acquire more general knowledge by attending all subjects at school, it is more beneficial for the students to concentrate on the subjects where they find their interest or strength.

eriks

TWJ和 Winnie1010 关于第一句的建议都很好啊.
不过, 第二句听着也不太对头: I have been missing you so much and I have received the photos of our holiday which are totally cute.
这儿这个and前后两个分句不搭界.

至少看到的语法需改正的地方:
it also suit(s)
one of the most modern city Shanghai 这儿是个短语错误. 既然是one of 什么东东, 那个东东必然是more than one, 所以应该是复数的吧 , 在这儿就应该是cities.
另外shanghai放在那个位置也不对. 这明显是按照中文的词序翻译过去的.