我的鸭死作文，求批改

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小弟准备冲击7777高地了。
作文题目：working at home by using modern technology benefits workers only, but not the employers. To what extent do you agree or disagree.（题目要求是远程办公仅仅惠泽员工，而非老板，你的观点？）

The development of modern technology makes people working at home possible. However, some hold the opinion that it benefits workers only but not the employers.
It is obvious that working at home benefits workers. Employees will find themselves more relaxed and comfortable working at home. They don’t need to spend lots of time on their way travelling between office and home.
However, employers could also gain benefits from several aspects of view. Costs will be reduced to a large extent, which includes reduction on office rental cost, utility cost, transportation express etc. Another benefit is that employee tend to be more comfortable working at home, thus could work more efficiently. And the time that they used to spend on the way travelling between office and home now can be contributed to do more work. As a result, working efficiency will be improved and employees can do more work, which definitely benefits employers.
Although it seems that working at home benefits employers a lot. Indeed there’s several problems that employers would  concern. Modern technology sometimes is not reliable. For example, when some emergency happens and employers need to discuss with employers, he couldn’t reach the employees due to power system collapse at employees’ home. Also if the employee is a person of poor self-dicipline and lack of responsibility, it will be possible that tasks couldn’t be finished on due date.
Working at home may benefit employees as well as employers. However, there will be disadvantages to employers, too.

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fishlegs

5分                 
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hafa2012

个人觉得逻辑段落划分有问题，不清晰