http://www.smh.com.au/sport/swim ... -20100417-slo3.html
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"Things pop in my head that make me realise I clearly suppressed these thoughts of being gay" ... Daniel Kowalski yesterday. Photo: Craig Sillitoe
OLYMPIAN Daniel Kowalski has joined the small group of elite Australian sportsmen who have publicly announced they are gay.
Kowalski, a winner of four Olympic swimming medals, said he was ''tired of living a lie'' and wanted young gay people to know that others have had their experience.
The few elite male Australian athletes who have announced publicly that they are gay include retired rugby league player Ian Roberts and Olympic gold-medal winning diver Matthew Mitcham.
Glory ... Kowalski proudly displays his Olympic silver medal beside golden boy Kieren Perkins after the 1500m freestyle final at the Atlanta Olympics in 1996. Photo: Reuters
Kowalski, 34, said he was inspired to make the announcement after reading about Welsh international rugby player Garth Thomas, who announced last December that he was gay.
Kowalski was so moved by Thomas's story that he contacted the player. Their conversations left him feeling ''excited and relieved'' for Thomas but he also felt ''anger because I was jealous … he was out and felt liberated and free''.
''And it really got me thinking that I could do that [come out] if I wanted to. I felt really compelled to do it [come out] because it's very tough to live a closeted existence.''
A story in last week's Sun-Herald about AFL players and coaches coming together to campaign against homophobia showed that there was community support and helped convince Kowalski to tell his story now. Kowalski said he was not expecting more athletes to come out after his story.
''I just want them to realise that they are not alone, that the feelings that they have are probably quite common and that at the end of the day it's really OK. There will be hard times but you surround yourself with great supportive people who love you for you and you'll be OK.''
The Olympian said that it wasn't until 2006, more than three years after his swimming career ended, that he told family and close friends about his homosexuality. He feels now he had been in denial about his sexuality during his high-profile career.
''Things pop in my head that make me realise that I clearly suppressed these thoughts of being gay … because it was 'wrong', as a male it's 'wrong' but even more as an elite athlete.''
And this denial may have affected his competitive edge. ''I always knew that I lacked confidence when I stood up on the blocks and I do wonder sometimes if that lack of confidence was fear, fear of not really knowing who I am.
''On the sporting side, I lost to some amazing champions, so I'm not for one second saying that this is the reason I didn't win. I often wonder if the lack of self-confidence and lack of identity in many ways held me back from reaching my potential.''
His future? Kowalski wants what most people want. ''I look for all the things straight people do, I want to fall in love and be happy and be proud of who I am.'' |
发表于 19-4-2010 02:42:47
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