When someone is kind of in a deep hole and they shout out from the bottom and they say:" I'm stuck. It's dark. I'm overwhelmed."
Empathy:
We climb down and say:"I know what it's like down here and you're not alone."
Sympathy :
"Ooh! It's bad, huh? Er......now do you want a sandwich?"
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Based on Brene Brown’s research empathy is the key component in fighting shame. The majority of the girls I work with have shame-prone thinking. Shame-prone thinking is highly correlated with depression, suicidal ideation, substances use/abuse and eating disorders. The best way to overcome shame is to talk about it with people we trust who can give us empathy. The underlying message with shame is there is something about us that makes us unlovable or undeserving of connection. If we can talk about these fears and receive empathy in return we no longer feel alone or unlovable. In that moment, the shaming message of “I am undeserving of love and connection” is disproven. Empathy builds connections and creates deeper relationships of trust.
Empathy is a much-needed element in order to feel connected and heard. Empathy, the ability to feel what the other person is feeling, sounds pretty easy to do. However, in order to be truly empathic and be with the person in their emotions is tricky. As a therapist I find myself, at times, struggling to be truly empathetic; I can only image how difficult this can be for parents of the girls I work with. Let’s talk about how to do empathy right. Theresa Wiseman, a nursing scholar, noted four attributes of empathy:
Perspective taking 接受不同观点的能力
Stay out of judgment 不去评判
Recognize emotions 识别情绪
Communication 沟通
Alone, each attribute is pretty easy, but when put all together can be challenging.
Perspective taking refers to walking in the other person’s shoes and trying to think like them.
Staying out of judgment means not making comments that infer their emotions or response was invalid or wrong. Such as, “that’s stupid. Why did you get so upset?”
Recognizing the emotion is looking within yourself and identifying that feeling the other person could be feeling. It’s okay to check it out with them ask if you’ve got it. For example, you could say, “Sounds like you are feeling sad.”
Communication refers to being expressive about understanding their emotion and validating them.
virtue does not remain us as an abandoned orphan; it must of necessity have neighbors.作者: 行者之心 时间: 11-2-2021 14:31
同理心不仅适用于处境比我们困难的人，也适用于处境比我们优越的人吧。这样我们或许会对那些比我们优秀有成就人心中少一些嫉妒，多一些自豪了作者: 欧阳京 时间: 11-2-2021 21:04
Pardon's the word to all!" Whatever folly men commit, be their shortcomings or their vices what they may, let us exercise forbearance; remembering that when these faults appear in others, it is our follies and vices that we behold. They are the shortcomings of humanity, to which we belong; whose faults, one and all, we share; yes, even those very faults at which we now wax so indignant, merely because they have not yet appeared in ourselves. They are faults that do not lie on the surface. But they exist down there in the depths of our nature; and should anything call them forth, they will come and show themselves, just as we now see them in others.
