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标题: 首次建楼——The Strength Switch [打印本页]

作者: snapdragon 时间: 4-9-2018 12:45
标题: 首次建楼——The Strength Switch
目前在国内，因此上我大Freeoz网速度灰常慢。几次建楼未遂。今天发誓一定要至少建好地基。本来是要有评论都要回的我，时时看着“请稍候”仨字等啊等，最后只好把话咽回去放弃回复了。
统一向各位亲们道个歉，有本事，网就别好，但凡好几分钟，我都会见缝插针进来。

可以说，对Freeoz的氛围非常爱。它就象内心的一片青草地。象和悉尼那个时分点下面的那片青草地，躺下就不想起来。

在这里，可以天马行空，自由建楼，因此可以非常实时的，写自己刚刚读过的或正读的书。
The Strength Switch: How The New Science of Strength-Based Parenting Can Help Your Child and Your Teen to Flourish 是澳洲本土作家写的书。她叫Lea Waters. 我喜欢的布市的一条街叫Water str. 在Water Str. 住的时候，正看这本书看了一半。

书的封面非常璀璨，但遗憾网速不太璀璨，因此就先不上了。

是以为此楼地基。

作者: 春浅 时间: 4-9-2018 12:53
国内只能用hioz.im
前几天我也在国内，真的图片都是打圈圈状态
欢迎anna，看你也是脚跨两坛，读书好多，勤读又勤写
如在墨村，等我们组织线下活动，要来哦

作者: snapdragon 时间: 4-9-2018 13:27
国内只能用hioz.im：  即使是hioz 也无法阻挡我对freedom的向往，嘿嘿

前几天我也在国内，真的图片都是打圈圈状态：是的哦，anna是name after my foreign teacher, hw是从前在深圳华为实习，您前几天也在深圳吧？图片打圈算什么，通常是
                                                                  打开回复，未遂，只好在下面回复框回复，完了，惊喜来了，回复框好了。于是再回。就象作业丢了，再写一遍，又有新东
                                                                     西，哈,positive push

欢迎anna，看你也是脚跨两坛，读书好多，勤读又勤写:对，脚跨两坛，是某位亲用着您的名号叫我过来的。那坛的书是按主题的，想写的未必与主题相符。有这边，刚刚好。
                                                                           输入得有点多，要溢出来了，我尽量写得不凡些，还请别嫌烦。

如在墨村，等我们组织线下活动，要来哦：最近几年可能都要国内+布村混生活。可以在某亲朋友圈里羡慕你们的相聚时光。

作者: 春浅 时间: 4-9-2018 13:44

annahw 发表于 4-9-2018 12:27
国内只能用hioz.im：即使是hioz 也无法阻挡我对freedom的向往，嘿嘿

前几天我也在国内，真的图片都是 ...

哈！是在深圳，您怎么知道的？我也是手机编辑出问题，然后重写了几次，后来就打完先全选，剪贴，万一丢失或乱码就不用再写一遍了。

猜不到某位亲是谁呢，我还没和美丽斑竹说我回freeoz参与重建书版

写吧写吧，新版太需要您这样的书友来参与建设了。虽然荒凉，但是一望无际感觉也很开阔。
有机缘自会相见，无论书会还是其他。且安心写着~

作者: snapdragon 时间: 4-9-2018 14:11
本帖最后由 annahw 于 5-9-2018 13:21 编辑

Parents: 24/7 CEOs of Our Kids’ Lives

These days I run strength-based workshops for schools, workplaces, and parents around the world. I’ve found that no matter what country, continent, or culture they’re from, two things unite all parents: the desire to help their children flourish and a sense of inadequacy for this task.
Parenting can feel overwhelming. We’re the CEOs of our children’s lives, responsible for all the different departments: cognitive, physical, social, emotional, moral, sexual, spiritual, cultural, and educational. The buck starts and stops with us.
Parents today have a lot more to worry about. My parents didn’t have to think about screen time, cyberbullying, or sexting. Expectations of parents are growing, too. We’re raising kids in an era ruthlessly focused on grades, college admission, earning potential, and social acceptance.
There also seems to be less and less consensus—and more scrutiny—on the “right” way to parent. We’re bombarded by conflicting approaches to raising good, successful kids. It can lead to anxiety about whether we’re doing what’s best for our child. We may feel so pressured to help our children grow into the person society says they should be that we may not be allowing them to grow into the person they actually are.
I know these pressures well. It takes all my confidence to tell other parents that I would rather let Nick and Emily play than provide them extra academic tutoring to pump up their grades. Am I putting them at a disadvantage? While there are more opportunities like this than ever for our children, they come with more competition and incessant chatter about how to help our child get ahead. How do we know what is the best approach?
Based on my psychological research on well-being; my work with schools, workplaces, and parents; and my own experience as a parent, I think the best approach is one that supports your child’s ability for self-development, so that over time your child has the tools to take on the mantle of CEO.
This approach is rooted in positive psychology and provides a child with two vital psychological tools:
Optimism: the force that motivates your child to create a positive future for herself2
Resilience: your child’s capacity to bounce back when life throws a curve ball3
You may be thinking, That sounds great in theory, but how do I help my child acquire and use these tools?

作者: snapdragon 时间: 4-9-2018 14:27
哈！是在深圳，您怎么知道的？ “某亲推荐后，就尽可能多地读了版主的宣言呢。”

我也是手机编辑出问题，然后重写了几次，后来就打完先全选，剪贴，万一丢失或乱码就不用再写一遍了。 “
直接在帖上回复有问题，但建楼回就没有问题。所以办法总比困难多。嘿嘿。

猜不到某位亲是谁呢，我还没和美丽斑竹说我回freeoz参与重建书版。  ”她呀，很神秘哒，嘿嘿，她没有授权我就不说了。“

写吧写吧，新版太需要您这样的书友来参与建设了。”好的，必须哒。某亲振臂一呼，我是云集中的一个。“

虽然荒凉，但是一望无际感觉也很开阔。 ” 是的，有句歌词 ’ 你懂不懂得一种感觉叫做荒凉，听到自己心跳的声音', 是啊，所以才叫自由才有开阔。“

有机缘自会相见，无论书会还是其他。且安心写着~    ”是的呢，见字如晤，倾盖如故。“

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 4-9-2018 14:44
安心写着～在这里～
让荒凉变成闹中有静

对某些怀疑我性别的同学，安娜～让我们继续保持神秘感～

作者: snapdragon 时间: 4-9-2018 18:51
”安心写着～在这里～
让荒凉变成闹中有静

对某些怀疑我性别的同学，安娜～让我们继续保持神秘感～“ 好哒，妥妥的……
想给各位亲生版主们，包括kevin妈妈加分，却未遂。终于发现慢速的秘密：需要绕到澳洲freeoz.org的服务器去加分和回复。但下面的回复在hioz.im的服务器就可以，因此这里快那里慢。

作者: snapdragon 时间: 4-9-2018 19:43
Parents: 24/7 CEOs of Our Kids’ Lives 是的，大概很长时间，我也是这样感觉的，我们是他们7*24小时的全方位CEO
那么如何做好CEO呢，作者说了
This approach is rooted in positive psychology and provides a child with two vital psychological tools:
Optimism: the force that motivates your child to create a positive future for herself
Resilience: your child’s capacity to bounce back when life throws a curve ball

抛出方法后，作者也非常贴心，“You may be thinking, That sounds great in theory, but how do I help my child acquire and use these tools?”

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 4-9-2018 23:34
不能引用很痛苦，复制黏贴需引用的文字，辛苦你了

原来HM是华为，一个有故事的人。。。

你的热情和坦率已经不凡
何况，人是自由平等的，文字也是。一起种植百花园~

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 4-9-2018 23:51
Iyengar应该目前在世的最了不起的瑜伽师了？
强大的精神力量

是你说的这本书中某节？

突然对瑜伽有点动心。总觉得自己还有股潜力没挖出来

作者: snapdragon 时间: 5-9-2018 13:05
是的呢我从买第一块垫子到正式开练中国隔了七年的岁月缘份到了挡不住

作者: snapdragon 时间: 5-9-2018 13:07
原住HW的员工宿舍楼叫百草园跟您说的百花园意义一致

作者: snapdragon 时间: 5-9-2018 16:17
you may be thinking, That sounds great in theory, but how do I help my child acquire and use these tools?

这句话简直太贴心了。心理学也是门科学，科学很多都是理论上听着非常赞，但怎么落地呢？

作者: snapdragon 时间: 5-9-2018 16:19
Most parents tell me they want to prepare their kids to be optimistic and resilient. But, in my professional opinion, our society has a case of “right intention—wrong direction.” We mistakenly believe that the way to make our kids optimistic and resilient is to weed out all their weaknesses. Strength-based science shows the opposite is true. It tells us to turn the bulk of our attention to expanding their strengths rather than reducing their weaknesses.
My strength-based approach gives parents a clear idea of what strengths are and how we can help our kids play to their strengths. I’ll provide a detailed definition of strengths in later chapters, but here’s a working definition. Strengths are:
1.positive qualities that energize us, that we perform well and choose often
2.used in productive ways to contribute to our goals and development
3.built over time through our innate ability and dedicated effort
4.qualities recognized by others as praiseworthy, and they contribute positively to the lives of others

作者: snapdragon 时间: 5-9-2018 17:34
Focusing on your child’s strengths is the basis of what I call “strength-based parenting” (SBP) My research, coupled with findings in strength-based science, positive psychology, and neuropsychology, my work with parents around the world, and my own experiences as a parent have helped me formulate this positive approach. Testing and analysis have proved its efficacy. This book will help you implement it.

这大概就是读本书后我们能得到的。从正面心理学，神经心理学，SBP等等。我还一直没有想出来怎么翻译strength-based parenting。
但有一点感受应该是对的，没读这本书前，小人儿有次从小店里，买了12个一盒装的小东西，分开卖，10块入，卖4块就回本。其他净赚。小人儿总结自己的行为，”我这是不是和天桥上的老婆婆干的事是一样的？“ 经过我的strength分析后，小人儿现在又买了一盒，问我，”我以后不会是学金融的吧？“
那是，往大里说您这是种很赞的商业模式嘛。聊做各位看客一笑。当然，后来小人儿的拿去准备卖的商品被盗，这是后话了。呵呵。

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 5-9-2018 19:39
本帖最后由 MICHELLE07 于 5-9-2018 18:40 编辑

annahw 发表于 5-9-2018 15:19
Most parents tell me they want to prepare their kids to be optimistic and resilient. But, in my prof ...

非常同意
从正面鼓励，而不是负面阻止
“不要”，不仅不能有效阻止坏行为，甚至可能诱发逆反心理，暗示对方更想做
比如夫妻间抱怨，你可以不要整天捧着手机吗
改为，我们到外面走走吧，聊聊天
情绪激动地告诉孩子不要做某事，批评他们的弱点，是一种不明智的暗示
尽量去扩展优势，化劣势为优势

作者: snapdragon 时间: 6-9-2018 12:14

MICHELLE07 发表于 5-9-2018 18:39
非常同意
从正面鼓励，而不是负面阻止
“不要”，不仅不能有效阻止坏行为，甚至可能诱发逆反心理，暗 ...

字字珠玑。
今天回去就实行，嘿嘿。

作者: snapdragon 时间: 6-9-2018 13:55

This negative bias can be hugely helpful when your life’s at stake. But most of us don’t face such extremes. For the situations we encounter today—which usually demand complex reasoning and problem solving, sophisticated cooperation and communication, reserves of persistence, or expert facility in a specific skill—the negative bias can put us at a disadvantage because it blinds us to opportunities, keeps us from seeing the larger picture, and bars access to the expansive thinking that unlocks innovation, collaboration, adaptability, growth, success, and fulfillment.
说完negative 的好处后，金句来了。
Attention on the negative helped us survive. Attention on the positive helps us thrive.

作者: snapdragon 时间: 6-9-2018 14:31
如何 thrive? 也来了。

Three decades of research clearly shows the advantages of taking a strength-based approach for children and adults alike, including:
greater levels of happiness and engagement at school
smoother transitions from kindergarten to elementary school and from elementary to middle school
higher levels of academic achievement (as found in high school and college students)
greater levels of happiness at work
greater likelihood of staying at work
better work performance
greater likelihood of staying married and being happy in your marriage
higher levels of physical fitness and of engaging in healthy behaviors (e.g., healthy eating, visiting the doctor)
better recovery after illness
increased levels of life satisfaction and self-esteem
reduced risk of depression
enhanced ability to cope with stress and adversity

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 6-9-2018 19:06
本帖最后由 MICHELLE07 于 6-9-2018 18:07 编辑

annahw 发表于 5-9-2018 16:34
Focusing on your child’s strengths is the basis of what I call “strength-based parenting” (SBP) ...

这个词是不好翻，英语意思很清楚
中文里没有简洁的对应词
我的理解是，因为我们本没有这样的理念，就没有现成的词汇
即使是九零后，零零后，还有不少人受传统的“批评式教育”影响

小亲真是和妈妈一样活力四射，能量满满
不过，好像数字没碰拢。。。

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 6-9-2018 19:14

annahw 发表于 6-9-2018 12:55
This negative bias can be hugely helpful when your life’s at stake. But most of us don’t face s ...

赞金句，很妙
挫折让人坚强，鼓励让人飞跃（我引申的）

逆境价值论，慢慢地过时了
因为，社会高度发达，复杂，合作，分工细化，必须保持正面思维

作者: snapdragon 时间: 7-9-2018 14:46
突然想,Strengh-based也许就是强项，长处，长板，优点的集合体？

因为作者有专门解释什么是Strength-Based Parenting。

So What Exactly Is Strength-Based Parenting?

Each of us has many strengths. We all have specific talents (e.g., physical, mental, social, technical, or creative)24 as well as positive personality traits (e.g., capacity for courage, kindness, or fairness), some in stronger doses than others. Strength-based parenting puts your kids in touch with their unique constellation of talents (which are performance based) and character (which is personality based). In the process, it changes your kids and it will change you.
事实上，我们都是有长板的，我们不是木桶，不用问题关注于短板，不关注它，不代表不理它。而是关注长板，慢慢的短板不被强调，至少不会变得更短。毕竟人不是木桶。确实，读这本书的过程，也是一个慢慢改变了我的过程……

作者: snapdragon 时间: 10-9-2018 13:58
So I can see the benefit of psychology in helping to fix problems. But I’m not convinced I should take this strength-based approach, especially with my two sons. If I focus on their strengths, does this mean I ignore their weaknesses? Isn’t that a bit unrealistic? Won’t they become overconfident?”
对，我们聚集于孩子们的强项与长处，并不意味着我们完全忽略其短板。是不是有点不现实？孩子们会不会变得过于自信？

作者: snapdragon 时间: 10-9-2018 14:03
I’m asked these questions a lot, and they’re ones we’ll explore. But the short answer is: not at all.
A strong child is a child who can play to his strengths while simultaneously working on his weaknesses because his solid self-identity gives him the sturdy foundation necessary to acknowledge and address the areas he needs to improve. Being strength based doesn’t mean we ignore weaknesses. It means we view and approach them from a different, larger context.

所以我们多看到孩子的长处，并非忽略短板，而是基于一个更广阔与不同的视角来看的。
正如阅读一本书，是有上下文地看待，而非盯着短板或者长板本身断章取义。

作者: snapdragon 时间: 11-9-2018 12:17
本来想慢慢循序渐进的把这本书按顺序贴，但现在觉得，我还是不按顺序吧。因为这个内容太有效了。

当我读到这里的时候，它立刻就改变了我。

作者: 春浅 时间: 11-9-2018 12:26

annahw 发表于 11-9-2018 11:17
本来想慢慢循序渐进的把这本书按顺序贴，但现在觉得，我还是不按顺序吧。因为这个内容太有效了。

当我读 ...

随意随意，随你喜欢，随心所欲

作者: snapdragon 时间: 11-9-2018 20:02
Alex Wood, PhD, of the University of Stirling has found that people who feel grateful just prior to sleep fall into slumber more quickly, stay asleep longer, and report better sleep quality.24 For my family and me, that study was life-changing.
I used to go to bed with so many things on my mind that I’d repeatedly turn on the light to write items on a to-do list that I kept next to the bed, afraid I’d forget them by the next day. Going to sleep took hours. That was the “pre-gratitude Lea.”
But after reading about Dr. Wood’s work, I started doing a simple exercise to change what researchers call “pre-sleep cognition”—that is, what we think about just before we fall asleep. Instead of thinking about all the things I was worried about, I swapped in a pre-sleep cognition of gratitude by thinking of the many things I’m grateful for: the hug Emily gave me that day . . . the joke Nick told that made the whole family laugh . . . a good conversation with Matt . . . the roof over my head. Instead of “I haven’t done enough,” the mental message is “Things are OK. Life’s pretty good.”

作者: snapdragon 时间: 11-9-2018 20:32
我睡眠从来都是一分钟睡眠，因此，对Ales Wood博士的这个关于对睡眠有帮助的理论没有用上。
但我用到了起床上，用到了宝贝上学前。

从前，起床时，百分之八十的状态都是轻声呼唤她，亲亲她的小脸蛋。希望给她一个美好的开始。然后送她上学，到门口，说的“Have fun, good luck to you. " 而读了这段，我换成了”感谢你，又给了我一个美好的早晨。This morning is so peaceful and beautiful all because of you , thank you so much. " 我分明看到，她从一个急匆匆起床急匆匆进校门的孩子，变成了一个脸上泛着淡淡笑容的孩纸。有时候，还会thank back^

作者: snapdragon 时间: 12-9-2018 13:33
作者说自己从前睡觉前都是把事情要在脑子里过一遍，有时候想到事情了，还要起来把它列到to-do list上的。我很理解，那时很多灵感。嘿嘿。当她转到” thinking of the many things I’m grateful for“时，大脑平静了。

是的，当我们试着去感谢的时候。我们的思维完全变了。比如，“今天早上还行，没有起床气，没有迟到。” 到，“谢谢你，给了我一个安宁的早晨。不象其他孩子，经常有起床气。“”感谢今天没有下雨，天空很美。“”感谢今天下雨了，空气好润湿” 嘿嘿
“感谢今天天气，雾霾爆表，让我尽快下定决心逃离” 哈哈

作者: snapdragon 时间: 6-10-2018 00:07
本帖最后由 annahw 于 5-10-2018 23:12 编辑

九月的一天，下班路上，看到了一个读书的男孩，坐在电动车后座上，还在低头看书。从时间和校服上判断，他应该是去向某辅导班，或者从辅导班回家中。他读的就《哈利波特》，从厚度上推测，应该是第三部。

作者: snapdragon 时间: 6-10-2018 00:16
今天，小亲邀我一起做题，我看了十分钟左右，没了耐心，去剥水果吃，她一直整了40分钟左右整出来了。我该悲该喜？
how to switch?

作者: snapdragon 时间: 8-10-2018 20:01
每天睡前会和她聊天，第一个问题，three thankful things 第二个，有没有回答三个主科的问题（因为有次老师数学老师电话说，她回答问题比较少，从她眼神里看不出来，她有木听懂）。

回答真的五花八门，很好玩。数学这几次都没有考好。奇怪，以数学起家的呢——幼儿园完全没管，上名校第一次模拟考就全班唯一一个满分来的，没有上过任何课外辅导班，后来也是大考中几次都全班唯一一个满分。

看来甩手不管，还没有到时候呢……尤其面对很多超纲内容

作者: snapdragon 时间: 8-10-2018 20:23
I did a photo gratitude journal for an art project at school. It started out just as a project, but I’ve kept it going for over a year now. It’s made me realize what an amazing life I have.

作者: snapdragon 时间: 8-10-2018 20:30
We then went around the neighborhood and knocked on doors, giving residents flowers and saying, “These are to brighten up your day.” The kids got such an amazing lift from people’s comments and reactions.

如果有一天，有人敲门，然后给你一束花，并且说“These are to brighten up your day.”

作为我，如果发生在国内，首先我可能不敢开门。其次开后，我会怀疑花后藏着什么骗局或营销

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 8-10-2018 22:02

annahw 发表于 8-10-2018 20:01
每天睡前会和她聊天，第一个问题，three thankful things 第二个，有没有回答三个主科的问题（因为有次老师 ...

第一次模拟考就全班唯一一个满分，小亲真棒
你这两个问题，一共是六个，哈哈

PS 最喜欢临睡前聊天了。

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 8-10-2018 22:04

annahw 发表于 8-10-2018 20:23
I did a photo gratitude journal for an art project at school. It started out just as a project, but ...

@yping88
amazing you two should meet each other

作者: ubuntuhk 时间: 8-10-2018 23:48

annahw 发表于 6-10-2018 00:16
今天，小亲邀我一起做题，我看了十分钟左右，没了耐心，去剥水果吃，她一直整了40分钟左右整出来了。我该悲 ...

这是几年级的题？看着还是挺有挑战的。

作者: 春浅 时间: 9-10-2018 00:07

annahw 发表于 8-10-2018 20:01
每天睡前会和她聊天，第一个问题，three thankful things 第二个，有没有回答三个主科的问题（因为有次老师 ...

所以，那三个thankful things 到底是啥呢？

作者: snapdragon 时间: 9-10-2018 13:48

春浅发表于 9-10-2018 00:07
所以，那三个thankful things 到底是啥呢？

很多的每天都不一样花式感谢

作者: snapdragon 时间: 9-10-2018 13:49

ubuntuhk 发表于 8-10-2018 23:48
这是几年级的题？看着还是挺有挑战的。

玩具题没有分年级亲生技术大牛啊让我直接来到18年版OZ

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