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标题: 摘录几段我喜欢的澳洲旅游问答，来自AmazingAustralia点com点au，笑点忒多，慎入 [打印本页]

作者: 指纹 时间: 20-6-2013 23:28
标题: 摘录几段我喜欢的澳洲旅游问答，来自AmazingAustralia点com点au，笑点忒多，慎入
本帖最后由指纹于 20-6-2013 22:45 编辑

FAQ：Frequently Asked Questions

As this is still a brand new page obviously not many questions have been frequently asked but if you have question about Australia then you can contact us, we'll try to help you with anything you would like to know and if we don't know we'll make something up!

Below is a list of not too frequently asked questions:

Q: Can I pick up my camper van in Auckland and drop it off in Darwin?(Belgium)

A: Sure, take a ferry, change the registration plates from New Zealand to Australian, and find a way to calm down the people you rented it from when they hear where their vehicle has ended up.

Q: Does it ever get windy in Australia? I have never seen it rain
on TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)

A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around watching them die.

Q: Will I be able to see kangaroos in the street? (USA)

A: Depends how much you've been drinking

Q: I want to walk from Perth to Sydney - can I follow the railroad tracks? (Sweden)

A: Sure, it's only three thousand miles, take lots of water...

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Which direction is North in Australia? (USA)

A: Face south and then turn 90 degrees. Contact us when you get here and we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you tell me where I can sell it in Australia? (USA)

A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in Tasmania where the female population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)

A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Sydney and is milk available all year round? (Germany)

A: No, we are a peaceful civilisation of vegan hunter gatherers. Milk is illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Australia, but I forget its name. It's a kind of bear and lives in trees. (USA)

A: It's called a Drop Bear. They are so called because they drop out of gum trees and eat the brains of anyone walking underneath them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)

A: Yes, but you'll have to learn it first.

来源：http://www.amazingaustralia.com.au/faq.htm

我得把题目改改才能诱人

作者: lavender911 时间: 21-6-2013 00:26
澳洲人民的黑色幽默~
p.s. 提问的人们大脑是被驴踢了吗？

作者: 浮云云艾米莉 时间: 21-6-2013 11:30

Q: Dear Webmaster down under,
we are a middle-aged couple and have a little son of 6 who is very fond of animals. We thought of getting him an Australian pet and like to have your advice: Should it be a young croc, a koala or a cangaroo? And should we employ an aboriginal nanny at the same time to help our son getting along with the strange pet?

A: Dear Fritz and Gretchen, the choice of the right pet depends on a few factors;

The crocodile will need water to swim, so you need to have a swimming pool or live near a lake. Your Aboriginal nanny will have to work seven days a week and watch the croc all the time, as the croc will grow and when it gets to about one and a half metre it can eat your son.

The koala will need to eat eucalyptus leaves, so you must have some of these trees in your garden, or in a nearby park where the Aboriginal nanny can walk the koala every day, but it must be kept on a leash as otherwise the koala can climb high up a tree and then when it gets stoned from eating the eucalyptus leaves it will fall asleep and not come down again for a few days.

If you get a big size kangaroo then your son can sit in the pouch and enjoy to ride around, but you will need a big house and a big garden to give the kangaroo enough space to jump around, the Aboriginal nanny can probably train the kangaroo to take your son to school and pick up again in the afternoon.

I hope this will help you to choose the right pet.

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 22:46

EmilyS 发表于 21-6-2013 10:30

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Q: Dear Webmaster down under,
we are a middle-aged couple and have a little son of 6 who is ...

澳洲的动物都是属于大自然的.

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 22:47

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 21:46

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澳洲的动物都是属于大自然的.

哪里的动物不属于大自然的？

呃，已经驯化了的农场动物除外

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 22:49
这个"北"在哪全世界通用.
贫嘴也全世界相似啊.
"北在哪?"
"南的对面."

"到什么地方都能说英语吗?"
"能,但你得先学会英语."
妙!

楼主在北京呆了几年?

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 22:52

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 21:49

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这个"北"在哪全世界通用.
贫嘴也全世界相似啊.
"北在哪?"

你是问我几年学会贫嘴的？

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 23:05

指纹发表于 21-6-2013 21:52

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你是问我几年学会贫嘴的？

对! 呆那么几年就熏陶出来了,接受能力挺强的.

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 23:06

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:05

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对! 呆那么几年就熏陶出来了,接受能力挺强的.

原来北京人给大家的印象是这个样子滴

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 23:11

指纹发表于 21-6-2013 22:06

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原来北京人给大家的印象是这个样子滴

周星星似乎例外.
不知道他呆了几年?

作者: 周星星1832 时间: 21-6-2013 23:14
14年

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 23:15
比我长，我呆了近10年，包括上大学

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 23:25
我在上海呆的年数更长,什么上海特色也没学到,倒磨掉了家乡的特征,成了没有特征的人.

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 23:32

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:25

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我在上海呆的年数更长,什么上海特色也没学到,倒磨掉了家乡的特征,成了没有特征的人.

同病相怜，我在北京人们都知道我是东北人，回到长春打车，司机就说我是北京来的

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 23:37
没有归属感的无特征人群四海为家.

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 23:39

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:37

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没有归属感的无特征人群四海为家.

没事，不是说了么，我心安处是故乡。

你看@周星星1832 那么多故乡呢

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 23:41

指纹发表于 21-6-2013 22:39

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没事，不是说了么，我心安处是故乡。

你看@周星星1832 那么多故乡呢

好好的周末被你们弄得伤感起来了。
我心安哪处呢，问题是。

作者: 指纹 时间: 21-6-2013 23:43

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:41

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好好的周末被你们弄得伤感起来了。
我心安哪处呢，问题是。

生活不是安于一个地方，而是接受自己的经历，接受自己才心安

作者: 周星星1832 时间: 21-6-2013 23:48

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:41

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好好的周末被你们弄得伤感起来了。
我心安哪处呢，问题是。

爱的人在哪
哪就是故乡

我准备应征情感天空的版主做知心哥哥

作者: 浮云云艾米莉 时间: 21-6-2013 23:49

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:41

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好好的周末被你们弄得伤感起来了。
我心安哪处呢，问题是。

哪有那么复杂

以前一个人跑美国留学的时候，别人都管宿舍叫宿舍。就我管宿舍叫家。我经常说，it's late. I'm going home. 人家就会纠正我，it's not your home. 我说，I feel safe around there and I sleep there. It qualifies as a home for me.

到澳洲，短租的地方也叫home, 房子也叫home.

随遇而安就好

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-6-2013 23:50
本帖最后由 MICHELLE07 于 21-6-2013 22:51 编辑

EmilyS 发表于 21-6-2013 22:49

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哪有那么复杂

以前一个人跑美国留学的时候，别人都管宿舍叫宿舍。就我管宿舍叫家。我经常说，it ...

我不伤感.
我是故意那么说的.
试试歪楼的感觉.

作者: yping88 时间: 22-6-2013 00:49

MICHELLE07 发表于 21-6-2013 22:50

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我不伤感.
我是故意那么说的.
试试歪楼的感觉.

Well done, then!

作者: yping88 时间: 22-6-2013 00:56
本帖最后由 yping88 于 22-6-2013 12:16 编辑

指纹发表于 21-6-2013 21:52

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你是问我几年学会贫嘴的？

Your wisdom always travels rapidly and far! I found your reading beyond the lines always comes up with something funnier and wiser.

I love how you, @MICHELLE07 @newozer talk. You all always bring to my days the good laughs.

作者: sucewang 时间: 22-6-2013 10:46
快乐取决于你的心态，多几种生活的尝试也是幸福！

作者: 青冥揽日 时间: 22-6-2013 13:31
Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Australia? Can you send me a list of them in Brisbane, Cairns, Townsville and Hervey Bay? (UK)

A: What did your last slave die of?