这就是俺作文最高水平了，求批分
剑桥8 G类-2 。 用了1个多小时，又修改了一遍。看看可以估计多少分啊？我尽力了。。。。some people think that it is better to educate boys and girls in separate schools, others, however, believe that boys and girls benefit more from attengding mixed schools.
Discuss both and give your opinion.
With the growing competition between students in modern society, a large number of people tend to pay more attention on school education. Some of them believe that boys or girls should be sent into mixed schools because these schools have more benefits, while others think the separate schools are better. From my view, I agree with the former opinion.
People who support that mixed schools would bring more benefits to students have their own reasons. Fist of all, students will learn much more from each other in these schools. Different genders have different opinions on the same thing, in this kind of environment of school, girls and boys can exchange their views completely, which will benefit themselves much even if there are some bitter quarrels between them. What is more, studying together help them to learn how to get along well with male or female which is a essential factor in communication activities in the real world.
On the other hand, some people strongly despise above argument. From their perspectives, they believe boys or girls will focus on study in separate schools. Students tend to spend more time on their courses rather than loving relationships in simple surroundings. Furthermore, the school is enable to enhance their teaching programs specially to single genders. However, these nurture environments are not good for students' mental development. In these kinds of schools, students can hardly grasp the skills how to deal with the relationship of different genders which plays a key role in their futher lives.
In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that students would have more benefits from mixed schools. 自己顶下，大家给个标杆嘛 修改稿：
With the growing competition between students in modern society, a large number of people tend to pay more attention on school education. Some of them believe that boys or(must be ‘and’ as you are referring to both of them, ‘or’ means you are referring to just one of them) girls should be sent into mixed schools because these schools have more benefits, while others think the separate schools are better. From my view, I agree with the former opinion.
(The topic is introduced and the sentences are mostly correctly constructed. However, you need to make sure to use the appropriate term to correctly deliver the ideas.)
Here is the paragraph:
With the growing competition between students in modern society, a large number of people tend to pay more attention on school education. Some of them believe that boys and girls should be sent into mixed schools because these schools have more benefits, while others think the separate schools are better. From my view, I agree with the former opinion.
People who support that mixed schools would bring more benefits to students have their own reasons. Fist(misspelled, ‘First’) of all, students will learn much more from each other in these schools. Different genders have different opinions on the same thing, in this kind of environment of school, girls and boys can exchange their views completely, which will benefit themselves much even if there are some bitter quarrels between them. What is more, studying together help(must be ‘helps’, the subject is singular in form) them to learn how to get along well with male or female which is a(use article ‘an’, the word has vowel sound) essential factor in communication activities in the real world.
(The paragraph has good ideas on it. But, you need to improve on your usage of words. Make sure to use the correct form and spell them correctly to avoid incorrect grammar.)
Here is the paragraph:
People who support that mixed schools would bring more benefits to students have their own reasons. First of all, students will learn much more from each other in these schools. Different genders have different opinions on the same thing, in this kind of environment of school, girls and boys can exchange their views completely, which will benefit themselves much even if there are some bitter quarrels between them. What is more, studying together helps them to learn how to get along well with male or female which is an essential factor in communication activities in the real world.
On the other hand, some people strongly despise above argument. From their perspectives, they believe boys or girls will focus on(replace with ‘more if they’ to express the thought correctly) study in separate schools. Students tend to spend more time on their courses rather than loving relationships in simple surroundings. Furthermore, the school is enable(inappropriate term, must be ‘able’) to enhance their teaching programs specially(must be ‘especially’) to single genders. However, these nurture environments are not good for students' mental development. In these kinds of schools, students can hardly grasp the skills (add ‘about’ to complete and correct the sentence) how to deal with the relationship of different genders which plays a key role in their futher(misspelled, ‘further’, but for this sentence, the appropriate term is ‘future’) lives.
(Always use the appropriate term so you can express the correct meaning of your sentence and make them more meaningful.)
Here is the paragraph:
On the other hand, some people strongly despise above argument. From their perspectives, they believe boys or girls will focus more if they study in separate schools. Students tend to spend more time on their courses rather than loving relationships in simple surroundings. Furthermore, the school is able to enhance their teaching programs especially to single genders. However, these nurture environments are not good for students' mental development. In these kinds of schools, students can hardly grasp the skills about how to deal with the relationship of different genders which plays a key role in their future lives.
In conclusion, I agree with the opinion that students would have more benefits from mixed schools.
(The conclusion is good and stated well. No mistake is noted.) 楼主的文章好浓的中国味儿，应试教育的模子刻出来的痕迹非常明显。建议你还是去上现役雅思考官的一对一辅导班吧，您目前的这个思路和方向是错误的，要完全重新认识雅思写作才可以。
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