第三波来袭,剑9第三篇大作文求批
谢谢各位网友对前两篇作文的修改,这篇大概是我周六考试前最后一批求批了(前两篇:https://hioz.us/ibbs/thread-1082121-1-2.html,https://hioz.us/ibbs/thread-1082316-1-1.html),继续勿手下留情,:tk_05题目:
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
正文:
It is understandable that health problem has become one of the main concerns by contemporary society. An growing number of people are involved in the discussion that whether increase the number of sports facilities could improve public health. In my opinion, this measure is not the most effective one and other approaches should be taken into account.
It is an economic method to imporve people's health by adding the number of sports facilities, especially for those people who addict to sedentary acrivities, such as taxi drivers and office workers. Over weight people are likely to lose their confidence both in their appearence and interpersonal relationship. With an easy access to sports facilities, including swimming pools and tennis courses, people have more opportunities to participate in these activities.
Despite the advantage of sports facilities, it would be questionable if people live in the environment with polluted air, unclean water and inappropriate waste treatment. For this reason, the top priority for the government is to increase the investment in these infrastructures and bulid the city to a more livable place. Also, the government has the responsiblity to ensure medical service at the affordable price, especially for people who are from disadvantage backgrounds. If people of low socio-economic status are capable to receive quality medical service in a timely manner, the overall standard of public health would be greatly enhanced.
In the light of the facts, increase of sports facilities is not the most effective mean to improve public health. Other measures include upgrading the infrastructure and lowing the price of medical service. 加油,争取周六取得好成绩。那些拼写问题但愿是你输入到电脑上面输错了,这样最好。
Some people say that the best way to improve public health is by increasing the number of sports facilities. Others, however, say that this would have little effect on public health and that other measures are required.
Discuss both these views and give your own opinion.
It is understandable that health problem has become one of the main concerns by (of) contemporary society. An (unacceptable) growing number of people are involved in the discussion that whether increase (increasing) the number of sports facilities could improve public health. In my opinion, this measure is not the most effective one and other approaches should be taken into account.
第一段重新写的时候不要遗漏了信息,other measures就没说。最好的办法就是换个方式把标题说一次。
It is an economic (economical) method to imporve people's health by adding the number of sports facilities, especially for those people (delete?) who addict to (bad understanding of this word) sedentary acrivities, such as taxi drivers and office workers. Over weight (one word as adj) people are likely to lose their confidence both in their appearence and interpersonal relationship (this sentence appears suddenly, no connection). With an easy access to sports facilities, including swimming pools and tennis courses (courts), people have more opportunities to participate in these activities.
一来就强调经济的方式,但是后面的就跑调了,而且对于久坐的人经济与否不是关键,关键应该是有效的。
Despite the advantage of sports facilities, it (it refers to what) would be questionable if people live in the environment with polluted air, unclean water and inappropriate waste treatment. For this reason, the top priority for the government is to increase the investment in these infrastructures (I don't know what they are according to your context) and bulid the city to a more livable place. Also, the government has the responsiblity to ensure medical service at the (a) affordable price, especially for people who are from disadvantage backgrounds (what is this?). If people of low socio-economic status are capable to receive (capable of doing) quality medical service in a timely manner, the overall standard of public health would be greatly enhanced.
第一句就把读者个打蒙咯,主题是啥?后面也就无从把握了。应该是经济状况不好的人生病了可以及时医治的话,standard可以提高。
In the light of the facts, increase of sports facilities is not the most effective mean (means) to improve public health. Other measures include upgrading the infrastructure and lowing the price of medical service.
鉴于你周六就考了,也不多点评啥了,基本的问题这两天估计也提高不到啥了,到时候仔细点,把中文翻译成英文的时候想想中文是不是读得通,+U! 谢谢如此迅速的批改,唯有减少错误为上了。
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