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[language study] 雅思大作分,求批。

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1#
发表于 1-12-2010 16:10:05 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

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Pressure on the school and university students is increasing and students are pushed to work hard when they are very young. Do you think this is a positive or a negative development?

In current society, young people face pressure everywhere they turn, education, work, parents and so on. It forces students to work hard to handle the pressure. Whether this phenomenon is good or bad has sparked spirited debate. Personally, I consider that pressure can bring more drawbacks
Much stress lead to a negative influence in young people’s growth stage. Firstly, pressure can cause physical problems. Studying everyday deprive students of the chance of doing exercise. Therefore, youngsters are easy to become sick such as having a cold or become too fat. Secondly, young students can feel frustrating if they learn something due to pressure rather than their interest. They will become unconfident and easy to give up. Some students chose suicide because they could not cope with the pressure and the failures. Lastly, much hard working also limit youngsters to develop their communication skills and life skills.
On the other hand, hard working can contribute to the academic performance. Good performance in academic area can make graduates have more competitiveness in the employment market. Even so, being able to find a job cannot be warranted by academic performance. Employers want to employ graduates who not only have good results in schools but also are physical and psychological soundness.
In conclusion, though pressure can push students to study hard thereby getting good results in exam, the disadvantage generated by pressure far outweigh the advantages. Overall, I believe that we should help young people to cope with pressure and encourage them to do what they are interested in instead of only focusing on the academic result.
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2#
发表于 2-12-2010 02:04:42 | 只看该作者
young people face pressure everywhere they turn (to)...

过于“绝对”, everywhere是地点代词性质,那么用它代表education, work, parrents  合适吗?

基于这些考虑,上句能否改成:

young people often face pressures from various aspects of their everyday life such as education, work, parrents, and so on.

压力不会带来“缺点”,压力可能带来“负面影响”,所以是否改为I believe that pressure can bring negative effects.

growth stage似乎不妥,总觉得有点疙疙瘩瘩,Much stress can lead to negative consequence to young people who are in their puberties.

feel frustrating --> feel frustrated

They will become -->  还是过于专横武断, 可否改为They may become less confident

warranted --> guaranteed
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3#
 楼主| 发表于 2-12-2010 14:11:34 | 只看该作者
多谢指正。

原帖由 TWT 于 2-12-2010 02:04 发表
young people face pressure everywhere they turn (to)...

过于“绝对”, everywhere是地点代词性质,那么用它代表education, work, parrents  合适吗?

基于这些考虑,上句能否改成:

young people ofte ...
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4#
发表于 2-12-2010 16:30:52 | 只看该作者
有少量用词不合适,语法问题等.个人估计在5.5-6之间.
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5#
发表于 2-12-2010 16:39:45 | 只看该作者
有少量用词不合适,语法问题等.个人估计在5.5-6之间.
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6#
发表于 3-12-2010 22:37:43 | 只看该作者

有了这件衣服,我不怕千年极寒了!

前两天在一家淘宝店上发现一家精品男装??全型男人精品服饰,来自意大利的版型设计,据说今年很流行的噢。
于是我买了件今年冬天最流行的一款棉服,做工很精细,面料还不错据说是韩国高密纤维面料 獭兔毛领/100%聚酯成分,设计也很潮,穿起来相当保暖,今年的极寒冬天不再害怕了。你们看看是不是很有型呢?后来去专柜打听了一下,一款同样面料和做工的棉服差不多要2千多,我只花了900多块。这么好的东西也推荐给你们下,要为千年极寒做准备吧!


                               
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如果你们要买的话可以去这家店看看,这是他们的网址:http://shop36281213.taobao.com/ 店主很不错的呢,发货也很快,好像还有毛衫、羽绒服、皮鞋,都是精品的噢。
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7#
发表于 3-12-2010 23:53:17 | 只看该作者
提示: 作者被禁止或删除, 无法发言
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8#
发表于 5-12-2010 14:11:27 | 只看该作者
提示: 作者被禁止或删除, 无法发言
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