您要学雅思作文吗？

fredliu

原帖由 lavahx 于 22-9-2008 22:32 发表

                               
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俺练习时写的，用了模板

Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it could make bad consequence; this kind of media should be restricted. To what extant do you  ...

老兄也忒能干了，388字！快写成小说发表了 用了多少时间呀？考试时你最多能写多少字？

fredliu

原帖由 lavahx 于 22-9-2008 22:32 发表

                               
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俺练习时写的，用了模板

Giving detailed descriptions of crime by newspaper and television, someone says it could make bad consequence; this kind of media should be restricted. To what extant do you  ...

作文评分常用四个指标：1.task response; 2. cohesion and coherence; 3. lexical resources; 4. grammatical precision and range.
你这篇文章得基本评分如下：
1 问题答复：6
2 逻辑与连贯：6
3 词汇运用：5
4 语法和句式：5
综合：5.5
你得这篇作文模板运用得不错，开头尤其好。但是在论点展开得过程中暴露了词汇运用和语法、句式等基本功方面的很多问题。尤其是汉语式的句子比较多，会影响理解。所以，观点分遭到语言分的拖累，还是有点难达到6分。

fredliu

社会类话题，尤其是犯罪话题，是雅思大作文的一个难点。很多刚开始接触雅思的人都对这些话题没有足够的观点，更谈不上论据的充分论证。
请大家思考以下这个话题，你有什么相关的观点和论据吗？
2) 2008/01/12的大作文考题：
Some people hold the view that the best way of reducing crimes is to prolong the crime sentence. Others, however, think that there are better alternatives to reduce the crime rate. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.

fredliu

原帖由 fredliu 于 16-10-2008 02:02 发表

                               
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社会类话题，尤其是犯罪话题，是雅思大作文的一个难点。很多刚开始接触雅思的人都对这些话题没有足够的观点，更谈不上论据的充分论证。
请大家思考以下这个话题，你有什么相关的观点和论据吗？
2) 2008/01/12的大作 ...

以下是我对这个题目的答复，请各位参考。看过之后请多提宝贵意见！

The rise of crime rate often goes with the rapid development of economy, which is especially true in today’s China. In combating crimes, people are thinking of different ways of solution, one of which is to prolong the penalty terms.

Proponents of this idea stress that increased penalty terms against crimes will effectively deter potential criminals, who would think twice or change their mind before any bold action if they consider the prolonged imprisonment might be inflicted on them. A recent national crime survey has revealed that about 70% of police officers complain that the “cost” for committing crimes is at a historically low level and that this may in some sense “encourage” bold and vicious actions.

However, many criminologists do not share this theory, criticizing this idea as “cowards’ solution”, and pointing out that it will threaten judicial fairness as well as arouse hatred in criminals so as to deteriorate the effects of crime sentences. They insist that more rational solutions be taken instead. Firstly, more efforts shall be made to publicize the present laws, so that every citizen is better aware of the consequences of breaking laws; secondly, more civil organizations can be set up to supervise and help investigate into crimes; thirdly, imprisoned criminals shall receive better education in practical skills with which they can make a decent living without committing crimes when they return home.

In my opinion, prolonging crime sentence is no sensible solution against the crime rate. Only by joining the efforts of the police and the society, establishing a fair and more harmonious social environment, can we effectively ensure our own security.

yohbros

刘老师，上面的关于犯罪的文章的题目这样翻译可以吗？：
很多人认减少犯罪发生的最好途径就是延长判刑时间，但另外一些人认为减少犯罪率是一个更好的选择”，讨论两方面并亮出你的观点。

fredliu

后半句翻译有问题。应该是“一些人认减少犯罪发生的最好途径就是延长刑期，但另外一些人认为有其他更好的选择”；评论这两种看法并指出你的看法。”

xiaofangfang

原帖由 fredliu 于 16-10-2008 02:02 发表

                               
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社会类话题，尤其是犯罪话题，是雅思大作文的一个难点。很多刚开始接触雅思的人都对这些话题没有足够的观点，更谈不上论据的充分论证。
请大家思考以下这个话题，你有什么相关的观点和论据吗？
2) 2008/01/12的大作 ...

现在正在上培训班，听了两次写作课，现在只能写大纲，这么写不知道可以不：
开始第一段：现在犯罪率越来越高，有些人认为降低犯罪率最好的办法是延长刑期，我认为还有一些更好的方法；
接下来三段，写三个方法：犯罪与社会发展，学习教育，家庭教育并举行例子来支持，通过这样可以大大减少犯罪
最后一段总结：延长刑期并不是最好的办法，还有其他方法可以达到更好的效果

感觉自己写的都是废话，希望过段时间就可以写出完整的task 2；

fredliu

楼上的，你的大纲有偏题之嫌。题目很明确，是让你讨论双方的观点（即各自的道理），然后在表达自己的看法。你则是强调一面。

必须先分析：赞成延长刑期的人，有哪些道理；然后是反对者有哪些道理；最后在再得出自己的看法或solutions才是正道。注意“Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.” 这一要求所含有的特定任务。

再者，第三段“犯罪与社会发展”怎么能说是一个更好的解决办法呢？看不出是个solution啊。

这个话题，说起来难，写起来更难。不落实到纸上，还是不知道能写成什么效果。

采薇子

多谢LZ老师的这些指点！

  我都好久没写过作文啦……

fredliu

2008/01/26以下这个教育类的题目也不好写，看看你有什么办法应付它？

Unemployment rate becomes increasingly high in many countries. Some people think that only primary schooling should be offered to the public and there is no point in offering secondary education to those who have no hope of finding a job. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

列出你的观点和论据即可。

fredliu

还有这一篇：
How important for individuals and countries think about future, rather than focusing on present?

fredliu

“未来与现在”这一篇一定要用实际的例子来做论据，否则太抽象的论据是很难服人的。这一篇我写得比较有心得:
As the world is developing at an unprecedented rate today, it is increasingly important for individuals and countries to take realistic steps in the present as well as set feasible goals for the future. In my opinion, we should attach equal significance to the present and future.

We have learned enough from experience that if we want to accomplish anything, we must lay a solid foundation now. A high school graduates who aims at a top university has to make great effort to improve his academic standard to a qualified level in order to win admission of his ideal university. Similarly, a country must take proper, practical measures to better its internal industrial and economic conditions so as to create a prosperous environment, attract domestic and foreign investment, and ensure sustained healthy growth of its economy.

On the other hand, making a sensible plan for future and constantly adjust the present actions against this plan is essential to guarantee the final success. Unlike other animals, men are future-oriented beings, who may easily get lost without a clearly-set goal in their mind. Millions of people regret that they have not achieved success simply because they never knew where they should have gone when they were young. The same is true with countries. For instance, a blind imitation of international building styles and a lack of long-term city planning to preserve their characteristic architectures have eventually taken their tolls in many towns in China, leaving the cities as ugly hybrids of many meaningless, contradictory styles.

It is self-evident from the above analysis that to maintain desirable and sustainable development, we must wisely treat the present and future; as negligence of either aspect may lead to regrettable failures of even irreparable disasters.

[ 本帖最后由 fredliu 于 4-1-2009 22:52 编辑 ]

歪拉

no point in 是什么意思啊?  是没必要的意思吗?

fredliu

原帖由 歪拉 于 23-12-2008 02:56 发表

                               
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no point in 是什么意思啊?  是没必要的意思吗?

Hello, "no point in..." means "no reason in..."

小波

刚发现这个帖子
希望楼主能继续帮助大家

sdkongkong

这个月就要考试了，楼主老师帮我提提意见， 非常感谢热心的楼主。
2) 2008/01/12的大作文考题：
Some people hold the view that the best way of reducing crimes is to prolong the crime sentence. Others, however, think that there are better alternatives to reduce the crime rate. Discuss both sides and state your own opinion.

There have been two views about reducing crimes in modern times. One views states that the crime sentence can reduce crimes and it should be prolonged.Another view believes there are better methods , such as education ,skill training. I prefer the second view to the first one.

Letting  criminals know the world more can reduce the the crime rate. There is an saying : More schools ,less prisons . I think good education to criminals can change their mind before the crimes. And also , many criminals do the crime because their poverty .Give them a skill to earn their life could stop they crime again.

Admittedly , prolonging sentence could reduce crimes temporarily .The reason for that is severe  punish make the individual felling scared. Obviously , everyone would think about the result of the crime .But after a long thinking about and getting over the scare , they still choose the bad ideas. For instance , if they are lack of food and starving  , nothing is more important than life.

In conclusion , prolonging sentence may reduce a little crime race , but it is not the best way. I do believe  material wealth and spirit wealth  , such as education and skill earning money are the better ways  to solve the crimes.

[ 本帖最后由 sdkongkong 于 5-1-2009 13:33 编辑 ]

fredliu

LS你好！我给你的作文评分情况如下：

问题答复：5；逻辑与连贯：5；词汇：5；语法和句式：6；综合：5分。
突出的问题是论据比较单薄，难以对前两个论点进行有效论证。
推荐给你以下论据：

第一段第二句后：…One states that more severe punishment such as prolonging sentecces can effectively reduce crimes. The other view is that crime rate can only be lowered through better education and skill training for criminals.

第二段论据部分：Equipped with broadened mind and practical vocational skills, imprisoned criminals will stand a better chance to make a living with their own hands when sentece terms are over. In this sense, education and skill training means a new futer set on an upright course of life.

第三段论据部分：More severe punishment may work to deter potential criminals for a short period… But in the long run, it is more likely to undermine the foundation of law and justice. Moreover,increased sentece terms will result in a growing number of prisoners which in turn wastes valuable resources and brings more pressure to the police system.

[ 本帖最后由 fredliu 于 6-1-2009 02:38 编辑 ]

sdkongkong

多谢楼主的批改，词汇方面我确实好像只会用些简单点的。我再仔细揣摩揣摩。

quakekkk

今天第一天练作文，随便拿了个2006年的题目，没打算计时，结果用了1h40min（汗），先不管这些了，老师帮忙看看吧，多谢！
注：没查字典，字数为写完后word统计。
2006-01-21
TASK 1 - YOUR FRIENDS FROM ENGLISH-SPOKEN COUNTRY WILL VISIT YOUR COUNTRY AND ASK YOU ADVICES。WRITE A LETTER：
1。INVITE TO SAY WITH YOU
2。SUGGEST SOME PLACES TO VISIT
3。SOME ADVISES
TASK 2
SOME PEOPLE THINK THAT SPEND A LOT OF MONEY HOLDING WEDDING PARTIES， BIRTHDAY PARTIES ARE A WASTE OF MONEY。 OTHERS BELIEVE THEY ARE IMPORTANT TO THE INDIVIDUALS AND SOCETY。
DISCUSS THE BOTH VIEWS AND GIVE YOUR OWN OPINIONS。

task1203 words)
Dear XXX,

I'm very happy hearing you will visit my country soon. I hope you can come to Hangzhou, the city i live in, if your timetable is not much tight and I would be great appriciated being a guide for you.

There are a host of famous attractive places worth you visit in China. Since I don't know what kind of attraction you like most, I just recommender some time-honored places to you. In my opinion, Beijing is famous for its triditional royal buildings such as Gugong, while Lijiang in Yunnan province and Jiuzaigou in Sicuan province are the most beautiful landscape places if you prefer seeing the nature. I'd like to enjoy the charming sightseeing with you on a boat floating on the West Lake if you come here.

However, I have some advices for you during your travel. First of all, you'd better buy a map in order to avoid being lost yourself. Secondly, you should remember some emergency telphone numbers in case of some unexpected situations. For instance, 110 is police service, 120 is hospital service and 119 is fire service.

I look forward to meeting you. Welcome to China and wish you enjoy your tour.

Yours sincerely,

XXX

task2330 words)
In the comtemporary society, more and more money is spended on wedding parties and birthday parties. Some people holding opposit view strongly against with them which are unacceptable activities of wasting money, while many others argue that these luxious activies play essencial roles in individuals life and society. From my perspect, I stand on the former side without any hesitation.

The reasons for this issue are multiple. Firstly, wedding parties are only celebrations to show relatives and friends "we have been married" and receive good wishes from them. As the same meaning, birthday parites are held only to mark one's age. Furthermore, to an individual, birthday is less important than wedding because one has his birthday every year as one has only 1 wedding in his or her life generally. Secondly, lots of money spended on these parties is not earned by themselves. For example, the money may mainly be given by their parents even entirely. Nevertheless, they do not know how much effort their parents do as well as how long their parents save the amount of money. Thirdly, they are vulnerable being victims of show-off and peer pressure. As a matter of fact, many of them are not rich enough to hold such kind of parties, however, they are afraid of laughed by others. Finally, these activities cause social problems such as culture deterirating anddiscriminating the poors consequently.

Admittedly, a wedding party is definitely important for a person because it may encourage one to act as a better man with more sense of responsibility. And a birthday party is also necessary for a child thereby making many friends. However, on one archives success by gorgeous parties.

To conclude, I do not against with holding wedding parties and birthday parties if they are held moderately, according one's own finacial condition. Holding such parties overly should be condamned rather than condoned. I am convinced that we should hold these parties more simplely and more siginificantly instead of spending more money.

sdkongkong

呵呵，楼主很准哎，我果然考了5分。

jessi

I need your helps........thanks in advance......but now a days, i cant complete a ielts wrinting even....
but LZ you are really warmhearted.

By the way, do you have any valuable reference book for preparing the ielts wrinting?
dont hesitate to show me pls.......

唯有KH

嘿嘿 麻烦啦
   Brain drain is a delicate with which this country is confronted. On the one hand, more and more college students who are excellent prefer choosing to study abroad. However, after several years, these students don’t tend to come back to homeland. On the other hand, some people prefer spending such much money to work abroad and get a developed country’s nationality.
   What are the causes of brain drain? For one thing, there is a little of respect for brain in this society. And the higher education students get no fame and fortune which they should get. For another, supplying a better atmosphere of studying at abroad, brain can gain more academic achievements. Finally, lack of money to research work in this countries, the brain have to study abroad. For instance, there is a little money for institutes in this countries.
   To sum up, firstly, we should give more respect for brain. Secondly, this government had better to supply a better atmosphere of studying for brain. Consequently, I’m confindent that a bright future for the development of this brain in this countries.