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作文跑题了,要复议下吗?

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1#
发表于 22-3-2014 02:58:03 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

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这次6.5,感觉用词还可以,错误也不多,但是跑偏了
People have more health problems because they choose to live an unhealthy way. Why do you think they choose to live in an unhealthy way? What can be done for this problem?

Nowadays, more and more citizens have health problems because they choose to live in unhealthy lifestyle. From my perspective, I believe there are several reasons for it and some measures could be taken to tackle this problem.
It is not sceptical that society is becoming more materialistic. Adults want to achieve career advancement and then earn more money to satisfy their needs.  Therefore, they usually have heavy workloads and work overtime regularly. In order to save time, they take junk food regularly, which puts them at risk of obesity and it may lead to health problems such as high blood pressure and heart attack. Moreover, regular overtime and big pressure may cause insomnia. They cannot fall asleep night after night, which definitely puts them at risk of mental illness.
In addition, with the development of technology, people use computers regularly. However, it deprives them of the chances for regular exercise. They sit in front of computers all day long and take less exercise, which may lead to the decline in their physical conditions and increase the risk of illness.
Nevertheless, several actions could be taken to solve this problem. For example, governments should enact laws to ban regular overtime and penalty should be paid if employers violate the regulations. In addition, people should pay more attention to their lifestyle, give a priority to regular exercise and reduce having junk food.
In conclusion, there are several reasons why people choose to live in an unhealthy way such as heavy workloads and regularly using computers. Nonetheless, the problem could be tackled by setting up regulations, taking regular exercise and reducing junk food.
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2#
发表于 22-3-2014 12:15:54 | 只看该作者
是不是In addition。。。跑题了
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3#
 楼主| 发表于 22-3-2014 14:36:10 | 只看该作者
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4#
发表于 22-3-2014 18:24:10 | 只看该作者
本帖最后由 keira2012 于 22-3-2014 18:32 编辑

跑题了就不要想拿7了,你是在中国的哪里考的
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5#
发表于 22-3-2014 19:48:52 | 只看该作者
jojopig2002 发表于 22-3-2014 14:36
主要是问的是reason,我写太多effect了

我觉得是你的作文结构不平衡。题目有两个问题,但很明显你用了过多字数来回答第一个问题,第二个问题的解决方案字数太少。不用复议了,不会有7的。
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6#
 楼主| 发表于 22-3-2014 23:34:14 | 只看该作者
谢谢,大家的意见,似乎大家没觉得我跑偏,而是其他问题,那我还是复议一下。
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7#
发表于 23-3-2014 01:03:38 | 只看该作者
楼主复议成功了回来说一声哈
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8#
发表于 23-3-2014 11:00:32 | 只看该作者
personally speaking, 6.5 is a very fair score,meaning is logical as a whole,little grammar mistake, but the structure and cohesion is no good,2 very clearly repetitive words(overtime regularly take junk food regularly and another one i cannot remember)
considering the fact that you need also to 复议 ur speeking result from 6 to 7,it seems unattainable。
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9#
发表于 31-3-2014 17:32:01 | 只看该作者
我也觉得没有跑题,如果楼主去复议,结果回来报告一下吧
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10#
发表于 1-4-2014 00:57:05 | 只看该作者
60分不是已经大大推进了咩,lz还要7炸哇
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11#
发表于 1-4-2014 13:38:23 | 只看该作者
跑题倒不至于,但有几个问题,
1、@wisezmz 所说的结构不平衡问题,原因 和 解决方案的字数差别太大;
2、7分标准中有一条,每段有个中心句,楼主在两个原因的段落里明显没有做到。

所以我认为6.5分很准确,大概是 6677=6.5 的样子
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12#
发表于 1-4-2014 17:42:15 | 只看该作者
感觉国内的雅思作文中用到最多的两个词组是:
Nowadays, more and more
with the development of

In addition 连用2次。

说实在的, 感觉楼主不用复议了, 6.5绝对不少
原因, 楼上说的差不多了


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