G类写作这个样子有几分？请tx们指点。

superdrug

3月份考得作文题目讨论fashionable clothes的，回家后从新写了一遍， 大家给点意见吧~

In the present age, the issue of fashionable wearing is increasingly disturbing. some people assert that fashionable wearing often turn out to be markedly incompatible with out traditional cultures while many others argue that fashionable wearing stands for the passion of our life. To examine this controversial topic effectively, we need to consider the following aspects.

Convincing arguments can be made that some individuals can benefit from fashionable wearing. To start with, fashionable clothes enable us to obtain more opportunities in certain social events. e.g. Job interview, blind date, etc. It is obvious that the fair appearance partly determine the success of job application. Second, fashionable clothes afford pleasure and enjoyment to people. Young people usually go shopping with their friends and families at weekends; therefore fashionable wearing promotes the communication and interaction between friends and family members. Lastly, it boosts the development of fashion industry and “marketing & sales”. Specifically, some fashion related goods receive the same decent sales result, such as fashion magazines.

On the other hand, colourable arguments can be made that the fashionable clothes can bring about some negative impacts on the traditional culture while the people tend to be chase up “fashion trends”. The main reason is that the young people tend to totally ignore Chinese traditional wearing style as a result of the current globalised fashion market. In my opinion this is unconvincing as we have seen in recently years an integration and synthesis of new fashion and traditional culture. Most of fashion designers re-define “fashion” as an integration of different elements. The combination of Chinese “Qi Pao” and western material “lace” can be an example of this view.

Based on the above arguments offered above, I am convinced that the advantages far outweigh the disadvantages in this case. Overall, the sense of fashionable wearing should be promoted by public media.

熊猫阿三

模板的痕迹啊～

语之玫瑰

Based on the above arguments offered above
两个above啊...呵呵
有一些语法错误。
结构蛮标准的四段式，看得出用了一些模板...我没有考过雅思，不过我估计6-6.5吧...
请各位大虾给个说法。

语之玫瑰

啊呀...突然发觉三个熊猫...缘分啊

superdrug

呵呵呵~
那么文章通吗？

atm

原帖由 小小白虎 于 31-3-2010 19:13 发表

                               
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啊呀...突然发觉三个熊猫...缘分啊

笑死我了。。。

evlstyle

楼主 注意单复数 和第三人称，细节扣分比较冤枉 。

xiaoxiaobull

楼上的小熊猫们，大哥来了~~~~~

这个作文写得不错，但是最好不要套模版。考官估计看到这样的模版太多了，给分也不会超过6.5。
但如果改一改，我觉得有希望>=6.5。

superdrug

谢谢panda 哥哥

模板也是一种逻辑套路  不用这个套路怎么写呢？小熊猫很困惑所谓的模板问题。但如果这篇文章本身有没有很大的语言和逻辑上的错误呢？

语之玫瑰

原帖由 superdrug 于 31-3-2010 19:52 发表

                               
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谢谢panda 哥哥

模板也是一种逻辑套路  不用这个套路怎么写呢？小熊猫很困惑所谓的模板问题。但如果这篇文章本身有没有很大的语言和逻辑上的错误呢？

我是这样理解的...模板只是为了给你一个思路...让你知道每段大致内容，但是具体用哪些句子，肯定还是要有一些自己的东西
还有第二段要举例的话...如果你对其中一个观点有很多想说的话，也可以只举两个例子，着重说明的。不不要一定第一、第二、最后这样...
模板就是招式...但是独孤求败是无招胜有招的啊...呵呵
换个感觉，把四段拆成五段也可以的啦。反正不要痕迹太明显。

albert-shen08

作文小白来捧捧场，个人意见，供参考。同时也向高人学习
(In the present age,直接删去更简洁 )the issue of fashionable wearing is increasingly disturbing. some （people删） assert that fashionable wearing often turn(s) out to be markedly incompatible with our traditional cultures while （many删） others argue that it (fashionable wearing用it代替) stands for the passion of our life. To examine this controversial topic effectively, we need to consider the following aspects.
Convincing arguments can be made (that some individuals can benefit from 直接改成for)fashionable wearing. To start with, fashionable clothes enable us to obtain more opportunities in certain social events. e.g. Job interview, blind date, etc. （It is obvious that 删）the fair appearance （obviously）partly determine(s) the success of job application. Second, fashionable clothes afford pleasure and enjoyment to people. Young people usually go shopping with their friends and families at weekends; therefore fashionable wearing promotes the communication and interaction (between friends and family members这段话逻辑有问题，用and就增进的是朋友们和家人们之间的交流，而不是朋友们之间“或”家人们之间的交流，建议改成or；另外，感觉论据不能有利的支持论点). Lastly, it boosts the development of fashion industry and “marketing & sales”（为什么要加引号，看着很别扭，说不出为什么）. Specifically, some fashion related goods receive the same decent sales result, such as fashion magazines.
楼主写的还是很不错的，起码词汇量比较丰富，思路也很清晰，比我强多了，个人觉得，稍加润色，剔除模板痕迹 6.5+

favoredzhu

原帖由 小小白虎 于 31-3-2010 19:13 发表

                               
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啊呀...突然发觉三个熊猫...缘分啊

babyspring

我看了个开头。觉得模板痕迹满重的，是不是十天作文里的？我有血的教训，而且还不是很重的模板。结论是，我用模板+好词=6=第一次的裸考水平

ice4x

这个是3月6号G类的考题吧，我就是参加那次考试的。说说我6分的感觉吧，首先是不难，8分作文我就看了几篇，觉得背不下来，翻了两页就没再看，平时也没怎么写过，而且我相信我的语法，细节错误考试的时候不少，因为我就有那么几分钟时间检查，就把一句话重写了，剩下的就听天由命了，基本的思路还是总分总式的，机构大概是开头描述问题，引出话题->第一个正面论点->第二个正面论点->一个很简单的反面论点->总结，没用任何模板语句（根本背不下来），其次呢，论点要好，我觉得这个挺重要，写这篇文章的时候，我有一个论点，就是制作高级的衣服能推动科技进步，这些衣服材料里会包含很多高科技产品，比如莱卡，自我感觉很贴切。。。。 剩下的呢，就是卷面整洁了吧，不是很确定了。因为没有用过模板，所以不敢说模板的不好，但是我没用也拿了6分，说明模板不是必需的，好的观点才是关键。6分水平，就这些心得了，说的不对的地方，大家辩证着看。

woailvzi

楼主词汇挺丰富，值得学习。
我感觉我写作的最大问题是，即使用中文也不知道说什么。比如这个话题，我就觉得没啥可说的。大家又这个问题吗？怎么解决呢？