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准备再战雅思了,这样的文章能上7吗?

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1#
发表于 24-2-2014 14:42:55 | 只看该作者 回帖奖励 |倒序浏览 |阅读模式

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高手帮打个分吧,看看有无机会上7分。
TASK: A hundred years ago, people think that human race is steadily improving in every area of life.
Nowadays, there is no certainty of this case. In which areas do you think we have made important progress nowadays?
In which areas do you think we should do more?


ESSAY:
It is true that we are experiencing a period of time when human being progresses in nearly every aspect. Many parts of our lives have been transformed and improved significantly, but there are still problems that need to be addressed.

One area where the most striking improvement has even been made is how we communicate with each other. In the past, communication was restricted in written letters and telegrams, while nowadays people have a mixed variety of choices, ranging from cell phone to video chat via the Internet. Our living standards are also improved, with an increasing proportion of population who lives in urban area. Government has steadily increased the provision of affordable housing in cities, and continues to improve sanitary condition in rural areas, by providing clean tap water and by building more health service facilities.

However, we still face some serious challenges which require our effort. Environmental issues are certainly one of the many problems that threaten our whole community. For example, we need to put in more efforts on treating the deteriorating water resources that have been depleted and polluted by human activities. Additionally, instead of being assisted by technology development, many people are under immense pressures. This is not only due to the fact that the need to follow technology innovation is challenging, but also because the costing of living are increased by the constant introduce of new products. Efforts to solve such issues should be made, so that people can enjoy an improved and more satisfying life.

In conclusion, the achievement we have made in certain aspect of our society is undoubtedly amazing, but we cannot ignore the fact that we may confront even greater challenges.
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2#
发表于 24-2-2014 15:31:40 来自手机 | 只看该作者
感觉很难。
题目是问进展,第一段直接来了个problems
第三段又变成challenges

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3#
 楼主| 发表于 24-2-2014 15:38:24 | 只看该作者

areas need to do more about难道不是problem吗?problem替换一下不就是challenge吗?
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4#
发表于 24-2-2014 19:10:26 来自手机 | 只看该作者
汗,都替换两次才到你的点。为啥不直接说呢?
万一考官想多了呢?
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