2月3日雅思大作文习作(for comments and suggestions)：Changes in life

letwind

Question:

Some people enjoy changes, and they look forward to new experiences. Others life their lives to stay the same and they do not change their usual habits. Which approach do you prefer?

Answer:

When it comes to defining the meaning of life, people have their different expectations. Some expect life to be full of changes and challenges while some expect totally the opposite. In my view, changes and uncertainties are the key attributes that make the life worthwhile.

Those who enjoy a life without change perhaps have a lack of security towards the uncertain future, so they cherish stability more than anything else. They want everything to be the same either because they feel satisfied with the status quo and would like the life to go on as what it is, or due to their lack of confidence in dealing with all those unpredictable issues or problems in the future.

Stability is something that is good for life, but it is change and new experiences that make people’s lives fulfilled. Firstly, the life itself is a journey of handling changes and challenges. When we were babies, we learned to walk our first step and speak out the first word. When we were enrolled for the first time in school, we adjusted ourselves to the new environment and people around us. When we secured our first job offer, we got to know the bosses and colleagues the first time in our life. All these are changes that everybody should go through, without which life simply can’t carry on. Secondly, changes in life bring us not only challenges, but also opportunities. Actually, the ability to turn changes into opportunities is behind the success of all those iconic figures. Steve Jobs, for example, is truly a master in coping with changes. His acute sensitivity towards the changes on the market enabled Apple to develop all those novel and fashionable products that are in line with the market changes.

In conclusion, it’s my strong belief that changes are key to an accomplished life and successful career, and everybody should embrace the changes in life and enjoy them.

halleybachelor

个人感觉这篇有点过于散文化，讲述事实太多，阐述理由太少。

When it comes to 后面是跟名词的。

letwind

谢谢HALLEY的评价，这个题目比较抽象，所以我在阐述观点的时候举了一些例子，可能造成了这种印象
when it comes to后面确实是加名词，是我的笔误，已做修改

wisezmz

本文跑题了，5.5吧！

题目属于thesis-led类型，要求你在首段给出观点，然后解释理由。而题目要讨论的是生活的style，而不是让你解释change的意义。你对topic判断错误，而且在首段也没直接给出你对题目的回应。人家问你喜欢哪种生活方式，你回答了吗？

最后，好奇问问，这题目哪来的？不像是雅思真题。

Eruisituisi

我觉得没跑题。

小问题是冠词的运用，a, the, 包括this, that 等等。比如make the life worthwhile，我觉得不要加the。之前找一个Aussie给我改作文，他说感觉中国人普遍不知道the什么时候该用。this that 也要用好，这也是C&C的一部分，用this指代上一句的某个成分，很基础的语法吧，但是用的好了就能达到评分标准里C&C9分的评价，"use  cohesion in such a way that it attracts no attention ". 包括连接词也不要随意堆砌，不见得有用。

还有第二个主体段第一个论据的几个例子。建议写一个for example引导下，句子与句子之间没连接词，不如直接写成分句得了。

halleybachelor

Eruisituisi 发表于 4-2-2014 22:30
我觉得没跑题。

小问题是冠词的运用，a, the, 包括this, that 等等。比如make the life worthwhile，我觉 ...

怎么用the的问题我也很头大啊，有什么使用经验和建议吗？

Eruisituisi

halleybachelor 发表于 5-2-2014 22:10

                               
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怎么用the的问题我也很头大啊，有什么使用经验和建议吗？

写的时候没感觉，改的时候就能发觉要加还是要删。我的感觉是中国人的普遍情况是不该用的时候用了。我的作文被改时候一般都是the被划掉。所以我是尽量不用，除非很确定应该用才用。算是建议吧，不知道有没有普遍性。

wisezmz

halleybachelor 发表于 5-2-2014 22:10

                               
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怎么用the的问题我也很头大啊，有什么使用经验和建议吗？

如果你能回答出 the something 所指是具体哪样或哪个东西，就可以用the，否则就是泛指，用单数或复数。

比如这句：“ changes and uncertainties are the key attributes that make the life worthwhile”，你可以问自己：whose life? 答案是everyone's life。所以，应该改为“our lives”。

另外，有一些固定搭配的词组一直用the，比如 in the future。