真心请教作文

sally0513

没有题目就是自己写写的，恳请各位给点意见，文章很多chinglish的地方就是不知道怎么表达好。

   Enviromental problems are becoming more and more serious in all parts of the globe.Nowadays we usually listen to many news about natural disasters such as sandstorm, mudflow, drought and so on. How about our enviroment? Why does it become so bad?
   Enviromental problems are global problem which we should concentrated on.Nowadays we often hear the words “sandstorm，mudflow and drought”from the news which we seldom heard before。
   Although these disasters are acted naturally, I also think there must be something about humans. In recent years, accompany with the rapid development of enconomy, people do make many harmful effects to the nature which people and all the life form are depending on.For example, people cut down and kill off trees,waster water is being poured into rivers every day as well as poisonous gas which made by morden machine is being giving off. The airis unhealthy for people to breathe. Furthermore, wherever you go, you can find the rubbish. How terrible these pollutions are.
We should admit that all of the phenomena should have connection with human beings behaviors. With the development of economy, we do make many harmful effects on our eviroment which all the lives are depending on. On the other hand,the result of deforestation will cause the appearance of deserts.Waste water and poisonous gas having been given off everyday. As a result,the air is not good to breathe and the water is  unhealthy to drink. Furthermore, our life is filled with rubbish. How terrible these pollutions are.   
Let's protect our enviroment right now.Stop doing anything that is harmful to our setting and ourselves. Please take care of the in-dangered animals. There is the only globe that we can live in the universe. Most impotantly, legislation must be eatablished to punish those who are involved in the destructive conducts.
    I wish we could own a fresh and clean sky in the not distant future.

红色部分是我请一个同事改的，不知是不是还有值得改的地方，
有个句子，我们想了好久，“日益减少的森林会导致沙漠的越来越到。”
请大虾来指导指导。

[ 本帖最后由 sally0513 于 26-3-2010 23:34 编辑 ]

babyspring

我自己在作文中发掘的规律：more and more=increasingly

回去我也发个作文，大家交流一下吧

sally0513

恩，大家都“知无不言言无不尽”互相帮助

语之玫瑰

Enviromental problem(我用单数) is becoming a global problem which we should concentrated on.(稍微改写一下) Nowadays we usually (用hear the不能用listen to) news about natural disasters such as sandstorm, mudflow, drought and so on. How about our enviroment?(我会用What happens to our enviroment?) (Why does this problem become so serious?)
   Although these disasters (应该用过去时were) acted naturally, I  think(我会用suppose) there must be something (associate with) humans'( activities). In recent(我会用 last few years凑字数哈) years, accompanying(感觉应该用进行时，状语从句) with the rapid development of enconomy, people (have  made前面in recnt years要配合现在完成时) many harmful effects （on） the nature which all the alive things（楼主的写法不好，all the life form包括people的，不能用and）  are depending on.For example(我用For instance), people cut down and kill off trees （in the forests）,（这里有语法问题，主语变了,前面句子应该结束，加句号。At  the mean time,polluted ）water is being poured into rivers every day as well as poisonous gas which made by morden machine（用industry会比较好） is being (gave) off. The air is unhealthy for people to breathe. (我稍微改写下The air become dirty and it is unhealthy to us especially to our children.)Furthermore, wherever you go, you can find the rubbish. How terrible these pollutions are!
   Let's （begin to）protect our enviroment right now.Stop doing anything that is harmful to our setting and ourselves. Please take care of the in-dangered animals. (This) is the only globe(planet) that we can live in the universe. Most impotantly(不用加ly), legislation must be eatablished to punish those who are involved in the destructive conducts.
    I wish we could own a fresh and clean sky in the not distant future.

[ 本帖最后由 小小白虎 于 24-3-2010 19:25 编辑 ]

wiserfirst

原帖由 babyspring 于 24-3-2010 18:05 发表

                               
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我自己在作文中发掘的规律：more and more=increasingly

回去我也发个作文，大家交流一下吧

more and more也可以修饰名词 这时候可以用increasing或者growing来取代
a growing number of peoper .....

语之玫瑰

我雅思还没考来...不知道自己水平...
大家交流一下哦

sally0513

谢谢小白虎，很多地方经你一点拨，我一下就明白了。
我也还没考，
不过很明显，你的水平比我高很多，呵呵。

语之玫瑰

原帖由 sally0513 于 24-3-2010 19:27 发表

                               
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谢谢小白虎，很多地方经你一点拨，我一下就明白了。
我也还没考，
不过很明显，你的水平比我高很多，呵呵。

客气了...我觉得你很用心啊，会练习作文，我到现在还没有动手呢，找别人的错容易，自己写难呀
还好我是副申请人...没有太大的压力
我肯定也有很多地方有问题，希望有大虾来指导

sally0513

原帖由 小小白虎 于 24-3-2010 19:33 发表

                               
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客气了...我觉得你很用心啊，会练习作文，我到现在还没有动手呢，找别人的错容易，自己写难呀
还好我是副申请人...没有太大的压力
我肯定也有很多地方有问题，希望有大虾来指导

我是主申，老婆英语比我好，但是她又没时间指导我。
真诚呼唤大虾

语之玫瑰

发觉我两个错误，楼主原来是对的
enviromental problems一般用复数
most importantly...是状语前置，应该用复词

sally0513

呵呵，我请同事改了，大家来看看，
希望对大家写能有帮助

语之玫瑰

说一声...这文章字数少了点...很可能低分的

R08813

(This is as far as I can help you...)

Environmental problems are becoming more and more serious in many parts of the globe. Nowadays we usually listen to the news about natural disasters such as sandstorm, mudflow, drought and so on. What happened to our environment? Why has it become so bad?

Although these disasters happen naturally, I believe human activities might also be a relevant factor. Due to the rapid economic development, human beings have caused a lot of harm to the nature which every living creature depends on. For example, trees are cut down, water is wasted and poured to the river and poison gas is created by the industry. The air becomes polluted and is unhealthy to breathe. Furthermore, the pollution is so severe that you can find rubbish everywhere.

Let us begin to protect our environment right now. We should stop doing anything that is harmful to our nature and protect the endangered species. This is the only globe that we can live in. Most importantly, legislation must be introduced to punish those involved with destructive acts to the environment.

[ 本帖最后由 R08813 于 29-3-2010 21:05 编辑 ]