挑挑错误

唯有KH

Brain drain is a delicate with which this country is confronted. On the one hand, more and more college students who are excellent prefer choosing to study abroad. However, after several years, these students don’t tend to come back to homeland. On the other hand, some people prefer spending such much money to work abroad and get a developed country’s nationality.
What are the causes of brain drain? For one thing, there is a little of respect for brain in this society. And the higher education students get no fame and fortune which they should get. For another, providing a better atmosphere of studying at abroad, brain can gain more academic achievements. Finally, lack of money to research work in this countries, the brain have to study abroad. For instance, there is a little money for institutes in this countries.
To sum up, firstly, we should give more respect for brain. Secondly, this government had better to provide a better atmosphere of studying for brain. Consequently, I’m confindent that a bright future for the development of this brain in this countries.  
不知哪里有错误，谢谢各位，帮忙挑挑

jlcgydzq

首先,对于大作文,你的字数明显不够哇,连200个字都不到吧,字数不够要扣分的.

第二,中间主体段落缺一些事例说明,里面几句话一带而过,有点儿简单了.

可以考虑的修改之处如下:

delicate后面少个名词.is confronted不需要被动式.a little of应该只用little更符合你要表达的意思吧? this society最好说明是哪个国家,比如中国.education students用well-educated students准确些. get no fame and fortune which they should get可以写成will probably fail to get desirable fame and fortune which they should obtain after they graduate更委婉更准确些.lack of money to research work改为动名词做主语:As lacking of fund to pursue research work.作文里多处的brain,可以用intellectuals替换使用,使词汇丰富有变化.there is a little money比较口语化了,可以改为inland institutes are short of funds subsidized by corporations,然后你再举一个例子,比如某某国外大学有某个公司财团的资助,这样你的字数就上去了,也更有说服力.give more respect里的respect连续用了两次了,可以换个说法:It is clear brain should be respectable．还有had better to语法错误,to要省略掉,a better atmosphere,其实这里不仅仅指有气氛,还有人为的环境,可以加上and setting,最后in this countries单复数的问题,这里最好明确指出是中国,不要含糊地说country,考官看不明白的.   

大约多少分偶不说了,那个是由考官决定的.

一家之言,供你参考.
－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－－

再补充一个：开头，中间，结尾三大段之间如果不空一行的话，指定扣分．

[ 本帖最后由 jlcgydzq 于 12-2-2009 05:08 编辑 ]

jlcgydzq

告诉LZ一个方法,

大作文,你把字数写到考卷翻过去的一页的中间,字数才是基本够数的,当然,你不能故意把每个字写的都很大-----那有凑字数的嫌疑,也要扣分的.