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标题: [武侠翻译]射雕英雄传The Legend of the Eagle Shooter[更新至第14页] [打印本页]

作者: y12345678 时间: 10-10-2018 01:34
标题: [武侠翻译]射雕英雄传The Legend of the Eagle Shooter[更新至第14页]
本帖最后由 y12345678 于 20-10-2018 18:15 编辑

这个是儿子学习中英文时，用来练笔的翻译之作。目前还在缓慢地进行中，我觉得他翻译的还是蛮用心的，错误很多，但是个人觉得还是有一些闪光点的。

如果有人愿意看得话，我会督促儿子多多练习，我也会这里和新足迹不定期更新的。还望大家能提多多供修改意见。

《射雕英雄传（新修版）》
作者: 金庸
出版社: 广州出版社
出版年: 2013-4-1
https://book.douban.com/subject/26592708/

《射雕英雄传The Legend of the Eagle Shooter》

新修版的原文可以在网上google

10月6日试发
https://freeoz.org/ibbs/forum.ph ... 551&pid=6221120
https://freeoz.org/ibbs/forum.ph ... 551&pid=6221121

10月15日更新（第一回风雪惊变 1－11页）
https://freeoz.org/ibbs/forum.ph ... 551&pid=6223671

10月20日更新（第一回风雪惊变 11-14页）
https://freeoz.org/ibbs/forum.ph ... p;page=1#pid6225861

[attach]435539[/attach]

作者: y12345678 时间: 10-10-2018 01:35
本帖最后由 y12345678 于 9-10-2018 22:45 编辑

Chapter 1 – An Incident in a Blizzard
第一章风雪惊变

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The QianTang River flows, day and night without pause, following the route of the Western Two ZheJiang Road, around the village of Niu, and eastward into the ocean. A row of eucalyptus trees run parallel to the river, leaves red as if ablaze, signalling the coming of Autumn mid-August. The village’s surrounding grassland yellows, rays of sunlight only making the view more desolate. Beneath the shade of two pine trees, a crowd of villagers, men, women and children, gathered around an elderly man of feeble stature, listening to his words.

The speaker was around fifty, wearing a robe, once clear green, now tattered and dusty blue with patches of white. He claps his wooden boards to a rhythm and sings:

Blooming flowers are left with no admirers,
The land becomes infested with weeds and crows.
Surrounded by rubble are the age-old wells
Reminiscent of the families which once thrived

The old man keeps the boards’ rhythm and speaks, “this poem describes how the once lively villager has been ruined by war, how the homes of villagers have been burnt to rubble. As I mentioned, there was mister Ye and his family of four, who were struggling for their lives in the midst battle. They were forced to separate to avoid the Jin army. After the battle died out, the four reunited. They were so excited to finally return to their peaceful lives, only to find the every single one of village’s houses was burnt to the ground, with no exception made for theirs. Mister Ye’s family were had no choice but to travel to the capital city, BianLiang, to find ways to fill their bowls. However, fate is a heartless monster. The four had just reached the city, when a group of Jin soldiers were riding by. Their leader laid his eyes on Miss Ye and saw how beautiful she was. He leapt off his horse and grabbed Miss Ye, ‘Come with me, young lady, come to my house and serve your new master.’ How would Miss Ye agree? She struggled with all her strength, but to no avail. ‘If you keep struggling, I’ll kill your entire family!’ he picked up his mace and smashed it over Mister Ye Jr.’s head, instantly cracking his skull, ending his life:

The spirit world receives more unjust deaths
The physical world becomes devoid of youth

作者: y12345678 时间: 10-10-2018 01:38
The speaker says a phrase, then sings a phrase. The audience all clench their teeth in anger, their breathing unsteadies from their rage. The speaker continues: “as the saying goes:

“<这首诗太难还没有翻the poem to be translated>“

“But the Jin take our land, raid our cities, and steal our women. They have committed many such crimes, yet none of them have received any payback. Our officeholders are useless. Song does not lack men who are willing to fight, and yet all these men can do is flee from the battles they could have easily won, just because some officeholder, sitting in his office perhaps more than a hundred miles away from the battle, is cowardly. Leaving the locals defenceless from the inevitable raids. Things like what happened to Miss Ye are commonplace, they occur in the thousands. The officeholders and the emperor down south are living in heaven whether by comparison or not, without a worry in the world except when the Jin are going to come. Everyone here, you can call me Zhang Fifteenth. This speech is called ‘The Tragedy of Miss Ye’, and has officially ended, thank you for listening,’ he claps his boards a few last times then puts them down, next pulling out a container.

Most of the crowd gave him two or three coins each, and very soon the container had around sixty to seventy coins. Zhang Fifteenth thanks the villagers and begins to leave.

Within the crowd, a man of about twenty walked up and says, “Mister Zhang, are you from up north?” The man had a distinct northern accent. Zhang Fifteen notices his bulky stature and bold features, and answers, “Yes, I am.” The man replies, “How about we have a few drinks together at the pub? I’ll treat.” Zhang was delighted, but says, “We only just met, how can I accept this much of you?” The man chuckles, “After a few drinks, we will get to know each other. I’m Guo Xiao-Tian,” He points to a pale man next to him, “This is Yang TieXin. We were listening to your speech, and it was wonderful, but we have a few questions.” Zhang Fifteenth says, “No problem! Today we meet! It must be fate that we do so.”

XiaoTian leads them to a local pub and sits down at a table.

作者: y12345678 时间: 10-10-2018 01:39
The owner was a cripple and walked around using two walking sticks under his armpits. He brought up two jugs of yellow rice wine, a bowl of broad beans, a bowl of salted peanuts, a saucer of dried tofu and three sliced salt marinated eggs, proceeded to sit on the bench at the front of the pub and stared at the setting sun, paying no attention to the three men beside him.

XiaoTian pours out three bowls of wine and says, “Forgive me for not ordering meat, we are down-town and meat is hard to come by here. Stores only sell meat twice throughout the month, once early in the month and once midmonth,” Zhang Fifteenth replies, “It’s fine, we have wine and that’s enough. From your accents, I assume you are from up north too?” TieXin replies, “We are from Shandong Province, but we got sick of the Jin vermin. We came here three years ago and loved the people here, and so we moved in. You said before that the emperor, living in Jiangnan Province, has only to worry about when the Jin are to come. Do you think they will?”

“Jiangnan is a heavenly place, with many riches and women. There is not one day where the Jin don’t want to invade. However, whether they come or not is not their decision, but our imperial court.”

XiaoTian and TieXin were perplexed, “How does that work?”

“Our country has a hundred times more people than the Jin. If our officials picked loyal officers, with our massive numbers advantage, let alone defend, we can break through their defence and claim all their land. You think we lost our territories up north because we couldn’t defend them? No! We lost them because our three previous emperors, bastards the lot of them, decided to give it to them! These three emperors, Huizong, Qinzong and Gaozong, used corrupt subjects, mistreated citizens, and most importantly, either fired or killed every military officer who tried to stand up to the Jin. They also handed over our territory in a literal sense out of fear. The Jin have no reason not to accept and have since then asserted dominance over us. From that day forward, the emperors might as well be kneeling in front of the Jin, begging them to invade. Ironically, the military officers they fired or killed could have wiped out the Jin by now!”

作者: y12345678 时间: 10-10-2018 01:44
本帖最后由 y12345678 于 9-10-2018 23:07 编辑

XiaoTian slammed the table, the cutlery and plates jumped and landed with a thump, “Exactly!”

Zhang Fifteenth continued, “Back in the day, all Huizong cared about was finding some way to extend life, to be forever young, trying to become an immortal, and used corrupt officials, most of whom cared for nothing but money, stealing off the citizens and the eunuchs were only good for their flattery. Huizong never did any political work, all he ever did was draw and do calligraphy. Occasionally he would order for people to search all sorts of strange fauna and rocks which he thinks are key to longevity. Whenever the Jin came, he cowered and made his son emperor Qinzong. Luckily, loyal officer Li Gang was a great commander and was able to hold off the Jin army, but Qinzong took the word of his corrupt subjects and fired Li Gang in favour of Guo Jing, a useless general who brags that he can call for the gods to assist him and cast storms and hurricanes upon the Jin. When the time for battle came, the army crumbled under his leadership and the capital city fell under the Jin’s control. Nobody could care less about Huizong and Qinzong being captured, they did that to themselves, but they brought down with them tens of thousands of civilians!”

发现一个错误，stealing off the citizens，这个翻译肯定是没懂啥叫“浪子”吧，哈哈

(to be continued)

作者: 风铃子 时间: 10-10-2018 08:20
楼主的儿子好厉害！中文和英文都这么强

作者: 春浅 时间: 10-10-2018 08:56
原创的嘛？
必须精华

教子有方
向你学习

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 14-10-2018 00:07
楼主最近有更新吗？

@yearshappy @yping88 麻烦二位帮忙看看英文？
楼主的儿子真不错，可以中英文互翻，题材也广，需要不少背景知识。

作者: y12345678 时间: 14-10-2018 02:56

MICHELLE07 发表于 13-10-2018 21:07
楼主最近有更新吗？

@yearshappy @yping88 麻烦二位帮忙看看英文？

多谢多谢，拜请多多找各位达人来挑毛病。只有这样，小朋友才能进步。

这两天儿子有点偷懒，只翻译了一点儿，翻译的质量也不佳，我已经批评他了。希望尽快能有新的翻译

作者: 春浅 时间: 14-10-2018 17:25

y12345678 发表于 14-10-2018 02:56
多谢多谢，拜请多多找各位达人来挑毛病。只有这样，小朋友才能进步。

这两天儿子有点偷懒，只翻译了一 ...

建议鼓励为主，这已经很好的了
得让他开心地成长哟~

作者: anuo 时间: 14-10-2018 18:16
超强！！
望尘莫及。

作者: y12345678 时间: 15-10-2018 23:58
本帖最后由 y12345678 于 20-10-2018 17:59 编辑

更新了，我尽力批改了一下。本人水平有限，但是也算是尽力了。
1页-11页

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作者: 5years 时间: 16-10-2018 07:49

y12345678 发表于 15-10-2018 23:58
更新了，我尽力批改了一下。本人水平有限，但是也算是尽力了。

楼主的想法太妙了。

金庸武侠一旦读进去就放不了手，这可以吸引孩子，不由得学习中文。

我们也可以通过看英文的翻译，来重温这部经典武侠。

作者: yearshappy 时间: 16-10-2018 09:58
Marvelous job for a young boy

作者: yearshappy 时间: 16-10-2018 10:06
本帖最后由 yearshappy 于 16-10-2018 10:07 编辑

It's really an eye-opener. A big thumbs-up to the son

作者: yearshappy 时间: 16-10-2018 10:22
本帖最后由 yearshappy 于 16-10-2018 11:57 编辑

The mum/pop apparently has succeeded in encouraging the young son to start a huge task like this one. A brilliant job, the mum/pop

However, if I were the mum/pop, I wouldn't change a single word that my son had done.
The boy himself will learn much more along the way and he will have a second draft, third and more. This is the way to grow with his mum and pop on his side.

作者: y12345678 时间: 16-10-2018 10:48

是dad啊

作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 16-10-2018 10:51

y12345678 发表于 16-10-2018 10:48
是dad啊

I know you're a great dad, amazed by your work.....
but yearshappy is a mum

作者: 大力Summer 时间: 16-10-2018 12:10
练习之作………… 请收下我的膝盖…… 是如何才能教育出这样的天才的……

作者: leading100 时间: 16-10-2018 12:36

作者: y12345678 时间: 20-10-2018 20:56
再更新4页故事（11页-14页）

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作者: MICHELLE07 时间: 21-10-2018 00:52

y12345678 发表于 20-10-2018 20:56
再更新4页故事（11页-14页）

翻译的过程促使阅读得更精细。一般人为了故事情节，很少去品味词句和段落。
（我读金庸小说都是飞快，狂追故事而已）

所有动词翻成现在时态，是可行的吧？显得故事发生在此时，身临其境的感觉？

作者: y12345678 时间: 21-10-2018 01:39

MICHELLE07 发表于 20-10-2018 21:52
翻译的过程促使阅读得更精细。一般人为了故事情节，很少去品味词句和段落。
（我读金庸小说都是飞快， ...

用现在时是挺常见的

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