kuthlaav 发表于 10-11-2011 23:20:23

更新了!看了这个,就都会写雅思作文,除非……

雅思写作,每天看见很多同学贴文章上来,呵呵,一个月前我也这么干的,但是某年某月的某一天,我顿悟了。虽然我最后结果还没有出来,考试当天也不是这样写的,但是我把自己的想法跟大家分享一下。

大家不要老是问,我这个多少分,如果提高多少分,评分标准贴过无数次了,大家自己对照看看就知道自己多少分了。

其实,作文并没有那么神秘,开头,主体,结尾,打完收工。

开头一段最简单,介绍背景+点题+观点/承上启下

结尾也很简单,提出最终的结论,用已经讨论过的观点来支持结论。觉得自己不够,再回顾过去展望未来。

主体段落是大家都挠头的地方,我就讲讲对于主体段落的理解吧。

构思的东西这个帖子里面就不讲了,主要讲行文。
当我们提出了一个观点,我们如何来对于这个观点进行支持。我们用一个例子来说明:
a. 这个护肤品很好。(提出观点,下面进行支持)因为价格便宜、质量好、用户用了都说好。再举例,王大妈用了如何,张大爷用了咋样。
大家觉得这样的行文好么?先不要下结论,看看下面的。

b. 这个护肤品保湿效果好。(提出观点,注意哦,这个观点相对上面那个观点要具体得多,下面进行支持。)
它采用了某某材料,经过了多少道工序的严格加工提纯,保证了有效成分高达百分之多少。
高含量的有效成分在肌肤表面可以迅速的被皮肤吸收,并且锁住水分长达多少小时。
相比其他品牌,它的保湿效果提高了百分之多少,保湿时间延长了多少。
也就是说,只要你购买了这个产品,早上用一次,一整天都不用担心自己的娇嫩的肌肤受到干燥空气的影响,特别是在北方,从而帮你留住青春,一直美下去。

大家觉得那种论述的效果更好?我不知道别人怎么想,我自己觉得第二种比较好。

大家注意,我把四句话弄成了四行,来引起大家的注意,大家发现他们与中心句的关系了么?

卖个关子,也留给大家一点思考的时间,稍后来更新。:lol

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
更新来了,其实很多同学都知道一个法则,尤其是做销售的,那就是ffab。
feature\function\advantage\benefit
那么我们来论述一个东西,如果能够遵循这个规则,那么一来可以把观点展开的非常彻底,而且让人无法驳倒,因为ffab环环相扣。

论述的时候,首先讲到feature,每个事物都是自身的特点,我们只需要描述自己需要描述的事实或者数据就可以了。
然后是function,由之前的事实或者数据,我们知道,这个事物可以起到一个什么样子的作用,也就是它的功能。
advantage,这个一定是对照着其他参照物来论述的,没有对比,就没有优点,最多只有特点而已,这点尤其重要。
benefit,由这个优点再延展开来,能够给人带来什么样子的好处,一般在这个时候我们就尽情的举例或者假设吧,反正面的都行。

有了这样一个思路,语言的逻辑会非常的紧密,一环扣一环,从一个不起眼但是铁一般的事实,一步步推论到它的功能,优点和益处。
那么,关键是什么?答案很关键,所以益处一定要讲出来,也就是举例和假设是非常必要的。
能不能光讲益处,不讲其他的。可以是可以,不过你不会觉得很单薄么?如果ffab环环相扣,步步为营,一来逻辑严密,二来完全展开,三来全部扣题,四来字数不愁。

再说明一点,a虽然代表advantage,但是论述disadvantage的时候也是这个方法,我们要会举一反三,明白?

也就是说掌握了这个方法,在task response上面拿到8分以上也是可能的。

大家听明白了么?

留几个练习题吧。

1、house相对apartment的advantage和disadvantage。
2、internet的优点。
3、在家办公和传统办公比较的优劣势。

随便留3个题,大家觉得希望提高的开始写作业,相互对照比较吧。相信有悟性的朋友很快就上路了,呵呵。




btw:觉得好的就回帖,上威望吧,哇咔咔咔咔……:lol

[ 本帖最后由 kuthlaav 于 11-11-2011 11:02 编辑 ]

lulu85 发表于 11-11-2011 00:27:26

拜大神:congra

cloudsflo 发表于 11-11-2011 00:51:39

我还停在a的阶段,sigh.

Lzh12 发表于 11-11-2011 01:17:39

lz 英文不错
好有兴趣想知道lz是做什么行业的:)

laughter555 发表于 11-11-2011 01:19:03

学习一下,:D

cloudsflo 发表于 11-11-2011 02:07:35

回复 #1 kuthlaav 的帖子

记住了ffab. admire lz's insight and quicly catching points

cloudsflo 发表于 11-11-2011 03:25:07

回复 #1 kuthlaav 的帖子

现学现用, 改写了一篇, 原来我有这么多的话要说呀, LZ 是大好人呀。
主体段2 还有待改善, 主要是字已经超了, 所以没说透彻。
===============================================
Some people prefer to provide help and support for those in their
local community who need it. Others prefer to give money to national
and international charitable organizations. Discuss both view and five
your own opinion.

It is obvious that different people choose varied ways to contribute to charity. Some people give a helping hand to the local Community, while others favour supporting national and worldwide charitable groups financially. Means of charity are really crucial since they lead to so distinctive results.

Supporting the local community is much easier to carry out and monitor.
People are more familiar with the status and know who really need help. Therefore, they can directly help the local organization or individual solve issues. Compared with other forms of charity, this kind of support can give more money to the community and can put into action more quickly. Moreover, contributors can easily monitor whether the local community allocates the money to targeted places. This can make the donation more transparency and avoid possible misuse of funds.For example, an individual, funding lunches for all students in the domestic high school, can go to the dining hall to verify whether his money is spent on improving dinners and building healthy menus. However, this view may not help plenty of people since it only focuses on the local area. Indeed, the world is full of problems and so many people need instant support.

By contrast, as large charitable organizations open plenty of branches
everywhere, they can help much more people. For example, in the Wenchun earthquake, a great deal of help from worldwide charitable rganoizations strongly supports the recovery and relief. Without those, people’s lives in Wenchun can not go back to normal so quickly. Despite that, low percentage of funds used in actual charity work and long duration to implement the planare criticised by the public. Specifically, the cost to maintain such kind of organization should be a lot higher. Sometimes, it may take longer to implement the charity plan because of loads of processes ad procedures to follow.

To sum up, helping the local community offers more benefits to charity
since it is highly efficient and easy to control. However, in huge disasters, the involvement of the global organizations is also necessary.

cloudsflo 发表于 11-11-2011 03:28:55

回复 #7 cloudsflo 的帖子

我傻了, 因为.... lz 请去掉傻瓜两个字吧, 改成7分不是梦吧

yrqin 发表于 11-11-2011 06:06:44

楼主写作功底扎实,悟性也很高。是个很有写作天份的人。混迹在freeoz里难得遇上一个这样的写作高手(露脸了的,潜水的高人不算)。佩服佩服

yrqin 发表于 11-11-2011 09:53:41

回复 #7 cloudsflo 的帖子

用词准确度还有待提高,很多地方的用词显得有些生硬不地道;语法上也有些小错。
论述过程不得要领,对楼主的方法其实没有实质性的理解,只是学了个样,没有学到精髓。
严格来讲,也不是十分紧扣题目的要求。
估计不会超过6分。一家之言:)

lulu85 发表于 11-11-2011 12:32:26

原帖由 yrqin 于 11-11-2011 09:53 发表 http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/images/common/back.gif
用词准确度还有待提高,很多地方的用词显得有些生硬不地道;语法上也有些小错。
论述过程不得要领,对楼主的方法其实没有实质性的理解,只是学了个样,没有学到精髓。
严格来讲,也不是十分紧扣题目的要求。
估计 ...
==========
拜大神
另外,请大神说的明白些,这样说,很糊涂啊,您最好把那个词用的不正确写明白,语法也给指出,论述过程不合要领给知名,我替七楼谢谢了

xiaoyi_lee 发表于 11-11-2011 13:01:24

围观一下~~

yrqin 发表于 11-11-2011 13:23:55

原帖由 lulu85 于 11-11-2011 12:32 发表 http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/images/common/back.gif

==========
拜大神
另外,请大神说的明白些,这样说,很糊涂啊,您最好把那个词用的不正确写明白,语法也给指出,论述过程不合要领给知名,我替七楼谢谢了

不敢当啊,千万别这样,我也是平凡人一个。。。说得不对还请大家指正。

Some people prefer to provide help and support for those in their
local community who need it. Others prefer to give money to national
and international charitable organizations. Discuss both view and five
your own opinion.

It is obvious[不建议用这种语气太强太过肯定的词] that different people choose varied ways to contribute to charity. Some people give a helping hand to the local Community[大小写与题目不一致], while others favour supporting[语法错,要用正常的主谓结构] national and worldwide charitable groups financially. Means of charity are really crucial since they lead to so distinctive results.[这里引出观点了吗?这个观点是不合适的,不对应题目要求]

Supporting the local community is much easier to carry out and monitor.[主题句没啥问题,但是总觉得较肤浅,不深刻,还缺点什么]
People are more familiar with the status and know who really need help[衔接很不好,这句疑问太多了,people指谁,status指什么,need help是哪些方面的help]. Therefore, they can directly help the local organization or individual solve issues. Compared with other forms of charity, this kind of support can give more money to the community[这个很牵强] and can put into action more quickly. Moreover, contributors can easily monitor whether the local community allocates the money to targeted places. This can make the donation more transparency[词性错] and avoid possible misuse of funds. For example, an individual, funding lunches(?) for all students in the domestic high school, can go to the dining hall to verify whether his money is spent on(->in) improving dinners and building healthy menus[这句话怎么看都不通]. However, this view may not help plenty of people[view helps people??,chinglish] since it only focuses on the local area. Indeed, the world is full of problems and so many people need instant support[论证逻辑和思路都很混乱].

By contrast, as large charitable organizations open plenty of branches
everywhere, they can help much more people. For example, in the Wenchun earthquake, a great deal of help from worldwide charitable rganoizations strongly supports the recovery and relief. Without those, people’s lives in Wenchun can not go back to normal so quickly. Despite that, (这段后面看不下去了) low percentage of funds used in actual charity work and long duration to implement the plan are criticised by the public. Specifically, the cost to maintain such kind of organization should be a lot higher. Sometimes, it may take longer to implement the charity plan because of loads of processes ad procedures to follow.

To sum up, helping the local community offers more benefits to charity
since it is highly efficient and easy to control. However, in huge disasters, the involvement of the global organizations is also necessary. (结论和题目要求不怎么对应,稍微修改下应该还是可以回应题目的要求的)

具体怎么论述,用什么样的论据才能逻辑性强,有说服力,这点楼主更有发言权。我就不参和了。

heb30 发表于 11-11-2011 14:01:34

很有启发,学习了!

cherub 发表于 11-11-2011 14:36:41

一想到将来要向老天爷祈祷拿四个七砸我,感觉自己真是狮子大开口。

cloudsflo 发表于 11-11-2011 15:24:22

回复 #13 yrqin 的帖子

谢谢。 本想给威望, 发现已经不能给了。

才发现自己逻辑怎么这么乱呢。 有的topic 真是没话说, sigh

lrlsly 发表于 11-11-2011 15:43:04

有些道理。

lrlsly 发表于 11-11-2011 15:43:36

这个是楼主悟的还是在什么书上看到的呢

gulyxxf 发表于 11-11-2011 15:44:13

kuthlaav 发表于 11-11-2011 16:39:42

原帖由 lrlsly 于 11-11-2011 15:43 发表 http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/images/common/back.gif
这个是楼主悟的还是在什么书上看到的呢


销售人员培训里面的内容,提高销售技巧的,几年前学习的,刚想起来而已。

domad 发表于 11-11-2011 17:44:03

lz真是好人,谢谢!

janetluo 发表于 11-11-2011 17:54:22

好贴

:support:

woshiwopa 发表于 11-11-2011 18:57:40

问LZ一个问题哈,我这两天也在想关于task response的问题。
像你说的用ffab的方法写的话,会不会出现写了题目没有要求的内容?
比如说,一个题目要求写advantage和disadvantage。如果还在文章里面有大量的内容写feature和function,会不会让考官觉得跑题?我知道写这两个是为了给advantage作铺垫,但是外国人写东西好像不怎么要铺垫的。一般是直接论点+支撑就完了。
今天看一雅思考官的网站上就说,没要求的就不要写
Discuss the advantages and disadvantages和What are the benefits and drawbacks这两类的题目,提自己的opinion都是不允许的。。。所以,对此还是存在疑惑

kuthlaav 发表于 11-11-2011 21:48:43

原帖由 woshiwopa 于 11-11-2011 18:57 发表 http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/images/common/back.gif
问LZ一个问题哈,我这两天也在想关于task response的问题。
像你说的用ffab的方法写的话,会不会出现写了题目没有要求的内容?
比如说,一个题目要求写advantage和disadvantage。如果还在文章里面有大量的内容写fe ...

问你一个问题,你自己就明白了。
写advantages要怎么写?给你两个选项。
一、罗列尽可能多的advantages,
二、只提出两个,最多三个,然后展开说明,支持你的论点。

如果你选择第一种方式,那么肯定扣题了,但是分数也不会高。
如果你选择第二种方式,请问你打算用什么来支持你的观点,即advantages?
task response里面还有一点,就是fully extend your ideas。
凡事讲究一个度,为了减少其它文字的占比,你也可以将feature和function合并到一个句子。

此外,我对那些所谓考官的个人意见没啥兴趣,之前我有贴作文的评分标准,那个才是最终决定分数的标杆。

wuji6shou 发表于 12-12-2011 00:21:35

的确好文!

ayanoo 发表于 12-12-2011 02:52:13

LZ,我对你的方法是这么理解的:

1. 我认为主题句是不是要写得具体和你的段落分配也有关系,比如有人喜欢写一边倒的,所以会把有点分为两个段落,这个时候每个段落的主题句太笼统显然有问题。这时候就适合写具体;
2. 如果是discuss both view的时候,我是习惯4段式,所以是否可以每段的topic句稍微笼统些。然后分论点其实就相当于你说的具体FFAB了。比如每段包含两套FFAB的方式;
3. FFAB中之所以要具体原因也在于,如果不具体,完全无法环环相扣,这是个推导的过程。比如我们写分论点写成 A brings us a plenty of benifits.这句,这样之后具体自然就陷入列举有点了,也有是你说的第一种方式,which is not ideal but response task only。唯有写得具体到了某些fucntion,我们才能推导(验证),才有后面的FAB。比如internet的优点,分论点必须是类似:internet, in fact, brings us giant convinience(F). compared with traditional mail, people, nowadays, are able to send message, documents and photos to friends who are at another side of world more instantly by email with a much lower cost(F,A也同时包含在里面了). besides, internet connects people around the world more tightly........
4. 即:将FFAB并联和不是串联会显得不是那么僵硬。
5. 请大家点评批评。

kuthlaav 发表于 28-12-2011 16:45:47

原帖由 ayanoo 于 12-12-2011 02:52 发表 http://www.freeoz.org/ibbs/images/common/back.gif
LZ,我对你的方法是这么理解的:

1. 我认为主题句是不是要写得具体和你的段落分配也有关系,比如有人喜欢写一边倒的,所以会把有点分为两个段落,这个时候每个段落的主题句太笼统显然有问题。这时候就适合写具体; ...

结果么,因人而异吧。
因为很多朋友抱怨没话说,我自己也遇到过类似情况,所以给大家在行文和组织文字上面提供一条思路,既然是一条guidance,那么大家就不宜局限于此,而要超越。
如果打腹稿的时候已经思如泉涌,还怕无从下笔么。
如果大家没有更好的思路,倒是可以借鉴,如果很懒,甚至可以模仿。由于不是模版,而且贴近打分标准,故利大于弊。

kidd 发表于 28-12-2011 20:59:40

写了篇作业,第一题关于house的,烦请楼主和各位大侠给看看,FFAB,是这个意思不~~

BODY:
The features of a single house

    1.several rooms in different purpose.
    2. a front yard and a back yard.
    3. a garage with 1-2 parking spaces
    4. probably a basement
    5. enjoyable sourroundings

The FUCTION of a single house

    1.several bedrooms for families.....
   2. the front yard plants flowers and trees, the back yard for children's entertaining.
   3. the garagecontains cars and tools
   4. the basement can be used to contain sundries.
   5. may be close to parks and gardens, good for children

TheADV/DISADV ofa house:
   1. spacious and comfortable ,but causes time-consuming for maintenence than an apartment.
   2.   enjoyable and peaceful sourroundings, butcommute and shopping are relatively inconvenient
   3.versatile, but may need more expense than an apartment.

The BENEFITS of a house:
      1.spacious back yard for children's playing games.
      2. can build a wooden castle and trapeze for children in the backyard.
      3.rebuild garage to a workshop ,adding tools and equipement to fix car and home appliances.
      4. takea party , have a barbecue in the backyard. with friends and families.
      5. grow flowers and trees in front yard and have a dog/turtles/birds at home.

[ 本帖最后由 kidd 于 28-12-2011 21:04 编辑 ]

sunnyzzz 发表于 29-12-2011 12:43:05

收藏,学习了!

matt_deepblue 发表于 29-12-2011 13:10:56

拜拜强人,我还木开始练习呢
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